Monday, January 30, 2012

The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore

This short film is up for an Academy Award and for good reason. If you love books even a little then you need to watch it. I got a flashback to that one scene in MirrorMask (you'll know it when you see it), which reminds me I need to rewatch that movie. This film is sweet and moving and I just want to wrap myself up in it.

Like the description says, it's about "people who devote their lives to books and books who return the favor." Go, watch, be made incredibly happy.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Jayne makes her triumphant return with yet more Off World 2

So remember how I said I would post the next part within two weeks and it’s been two months because like the super soldiers I am made of failgenes? Yeah, my bad. Mostly I spent the last two months baking and eating baked goods and then beached myself like a whale after eating all the aforementioned baked goods. I was too stuffed full of delicious baked goods to recap any of Zombie Vaughan’s bullshit.

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So welcome back to my review/snarky recap of Off World 2: Sanctuary. Unlike the last book, this one is actually readable, so alas I am sober for this. When we last left our heroes they were pretending to be boyfriends so Alex’s boss would stop bugging him to engage in public sex shows, which didn’t work as his boss did just that. D’abu sprouts wood every time Alex breathes, and Zombie Vaughan’s handling of a recovering rape victim with PTSD is not completely awful. No one is more surprised than me.

Head’s up on format change: given the length of the chapters and my inability to be brief, I’m going to be recapping three chapters per part, instead of the usual five. Thus each part won’t be two hundred pages long and I won’t get burned out writing them (ahahahaha yeah right).

Let’s get on with it.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Whatever Happened to Eden? Oh, it just tried to eat us.

I found Miss Darcy's Bug Pokemon theory so thrilling that I had to share Naughty Dog's latest "The Last of Us" game unveiling to petrify her even further. The game features a young woman and an older gentleman who try to survive in a post-apocalyptic world. Yes, it's another Zombie game my dears, however unlike previous Zombipocalypse endeavours, this one terrifies even my dusty little heart. The theory behind it's horrifying evolution is that there is a fungus that attacks insects, taking over their nervous system and causing them to act absurdly. It eventually began to transform mammals and the like.

 How could this be so terrifying, you may ask? It has been confirmed by National Geographic and various other media (BBC Planet Earth) that this fungus exists. It's name is Cordyceps.

THEM!

If you'd rather not read the article, it boils down to this, the Cordyceps takes over the insects body, often resulting in their separation from the colony. The fungus then begins to slowly fill the innards of the insect and causes the creature to behave oddly as its muscles go to waste. It takes about nine days for the "zombification" to be complete. Nine days before a dying ant becomes completely zombified in which they will become a launching site for more spores to come.
"I want to be inside you" never applied quite so well before.

Now just imagine if you took that large Bug Pokemon, Miss D? And Zombified it? Should we stop there? There are spotted horse flies that can burrow under the skin and deposit their larva inside living flesh in the southern states of North America. Perhaps, if they were contaminated with this fungus and they burrowed, then what might happen? Oh dear, I hope you all have night terrors this evening.
Honestly, it's only a matter of time before we're all spore heads walking around like the living dead with our Overlord, Hades and his barrage of horrible laughs.

"I'm comin' and who's a fungi? eh? c'mon? Nothing?"

I thought I'd be ready for a Zombiepocalpyse, but if they're covered in fungus, I'll douse myself in petrol and light one. K Thanks.

Straight to Hell, lads. - Rook

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

I'll make this brief, but I had to share



So, recently the nightmare fodder above, dubbed the Giant Weta, was discovered in the wilds of New Zealand by horrible, creepy people who think bugs are cool. This particular one is their overlord, the greatest of the giant weta, (which if she breeds, will lead to only gianter-weta...good luck sleeping on that thought.)

I, upon seeing this image and being a girl-nerd, had two immediate and distinct reactions.

The first, the stronger, the girl reaction:

OH MY SWEET KENTUCKY FRIED CHRIST WHAT IS IT!? WHY IS IT!? THE HORRORS THAT LIE WITHIN ALAN MOORE'S BEARD HAVE GAINED ACCESS TO OUR DIMENSION! KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE! KILL IT WITH ALL THE FIRES!!! 


The second reaction, the nerd reaction, was slightly more embarrassing:

OH MAH GAH THEY FOUND BUG POKEMON! WE GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL!


also, as an afterthought: Man! Bug Pokemon suck!

That is all.
Don't Judge Me
~Darcy

Friday, November 04, 2011

How could I resist? HINT: I couldn't (part 1)

So you may remember that a couple years ago I did a four part review of the book Off World by Stephanie Vaughan (spoiler: it was awful). You may remember that I didn't like. At all. Also, I drank a lot. It was not a good book for my liver.

Anyway, I may have mentioned at the end of the review/drunken sobbing that there was a sequel and that I would read and review it if someone paid me to. Well, no one did, but my friend, who apparently loves watching me rage and/or get drunk, bought me a copy of that book. Since I did not give Stephanie Vaughan my money, I get to review it (or, more likely, bitterly snark about it).

The book is Off World 2: Sanctuary, and is less a sequel and more a second book in the series. And it's surprisingly not horrible. I know, I know, I'm shocked too. Don't get me wrong, it's not even close to being a great book, much less a good one, but it is light years better than the first one, mainly because the main characters are actually likable and Zombie Vaughan doesn't really attempt a plot, which, let's be honest, she is awful at.

So basically, this review is probably going to follow the format of the first, in which I take it chapter by chapter, not because it is a train wreck of epic proportions, but because I like to go in depth when I mock things. Also, since I have the book on my nook, I will be including the notes I wrote instead of any text messages. Oh, and if anyone is wondering why I refer to Stephanie Vaughan as Zombie Vaughan, it's because in the first book she foreshadowed a frankly ridiculous plot development that I said if she went through with she would be dead to me. She did and so she is still dead to me. Now, let's get started.

To recap the first book: there was an incomprehensible plot, heroes were horrible human beings, and there was a lot of gay sex. The end.

That's not enough? Fine. So the background you need for this book is that Caleb, formerly Our Dear Fucking Hero, went chasing after and meeting up with Sarhaan and his group of eugenically engineered soldiers, half of who are implausibly gay. Sarhaan and his merry band of soldiers zombie Vaughan doesn't bother giving names and/or personalities to, stole the ship Vigilante and fled Republic/an Earth (which may or may not be a planet wide government), where being homosexual (which in the context of the book is only men, as lesbians are never mentioned ever) is punishable by death. Sarhaan and the others were being framed for the murder of several prostitutes for reasons never made clear, and Caleb's dead fag hag, Daphne, was murdered as she investigated, prompting him to ditch earth for the failgenes soldiers.

Sarhaan and Caleb fuck a lot and fall in love, and frankly two people as horrible as them deserve each other. Along the way we meet D'abu, the only useful person in the entire book, and Alex, who solved the "plot" because he overheard a conversation when he worked as a prostitute at Earthly Pleasures, where he met Sarhaan and the implausibly named Xai Kuwicha, Sarhaan's second in command. This is their story (chun chun).

Artist Ally: Fluffy Muffinface

Or maybe I'll call it Fan Art Friday? I dunno. either way I'm thinking of making this a regular feature (if anything so I don't have a valid "can't think of anything to write" excuse not to post.) I'll post an artist, link you to thier website or deviant art site or whatever and then rant at length about why I chose them or why they're awesome...or nothing at all. I AM THE DECIDER. I'll also feature a peice that especially speaks to me. I invite my fellow author-ess's to run with this idea as well! I'll try to stick to a geeky theme, but I can't promise to remember that! So here goes!

My First Annual Artist Ally selection is inspired by the fact that my boyfriend and I are both binging on Star Trek episodes. (Probably more than the legal limit, but in my defense I'm watching the original series and the NextGen eps...he's watching Voyager and DS9. Clearly I'm consuming quality and he is snarfing down the sci-fi television equivalent of a Twinkie. Neither one of us will sink to the depths of Enterprise...despite the cloying call of all that is Bakula.)

This fantastic artist, (who's live journal is here, and whose deviant art page is here) goes by the name Fluffy Muffinface (or...Jemma). Also went through a marathon run of Star Trek tOS episodes, and this hysterical series of web-comics were her response to all that ridiculous-ness. Obviously you will have to have seen the referenced episode to truly appreciate these, but the whole damn series is streaming on the Netflix so what's your excuse now HMMM!?

-ahem- I'll post a few here, but you can see them all at this link! (Don't miss expanding each of the posts for more comics!) Please to Enjoy.