Friday, May 22, 2009

Dream Team to Fight Off a Zombie Invasion of America

First off I'd like to apologize for the vast absence of posts lately. Darci and I FINALLY got internet at our apt. so we can actually begin uploading again. We're hopefully going to try to put up a few posts to make up for the long absence. Anyways, on to the post...

So facebook and I have been having a love-hate relationship as of late. People always try to send me a million application invites and for the most part I scroll through them hitting "ignore" and hoping they will stop showing up every day. Another popular response to this phenomenon is to just ignore them for a long time and pretend like those invites don't even exist...

Well I finally succumbed to adding the "Living Social" app. because I saw everyone filling out those damn surveys and some of them actually had neat titles so I thought to myself...I suppose one app. can't kill me?

Little did I know I would spend the next two hours addicted to facebook worse than ever before... filling out surveys about ridiculous things that are totally inconsequential to live, the universe, and everything, but then I got to a really geeky one and I had to laugh.

Pick 5 people to be your "Dream Team to Fight Off a Zombie Invasion of America."
OOO! I am intrigued!

So I though to myself: If I was going to pick five people who would not only work well together, but also make a fairly entertaining story about zombie killing, then who would I pick? The following was my hilarious and entertaining solution.

One: Bruce Willis (plus all his in-movie badass skills). Think about it this way; Bruce Willis' characters have saved the world like a bajillion times and done it with intellect and all around bad-assery. On top of that, he's saved us from meteors, an alien bent on destroying earth, biological warfare, terrorists, and (though briefly) he appeared to attempt to stop some beefed up super-bio-experiment-zombies! He not only does his job well, he also does it with witty lines and manages to land himself a pretty sweet lady in nearly every instance. He is a great person to start off the roster.

Two: Green Arrow. Sure, he's an obvious choice for ranged combat with his archery skills, and his ability to produce all different kinds of artillery for his bow, but another great quality the Arrow possesses is his ability to use cunning intellect to figure out the problem at hand. As a socially concerned super hero, he would put the greater good of humanity above his personal concerns and would probably try to weed out any conspiracies that could be associated with the mass appearance of zombies.

Three: Batman. This one seems pretty obvious but allow me to explain anyways. Batman possesses the resources to amass one hell of a resistance armory. In truth, Batman would have probably known about the zomibes BEFORE they even arrived, and then he would also know their weakness and how to wipe out as many as possible in the shortest amount of time imaginable. Since they're undead, he doesn't have to worry about his whole not being able to kill people-thing and he can smite guilt-free.

Four: The Terminator. Mostly I picked the terminator for the sheer fact that he would stop at nothing to complete a mission and his accurate firepower would be an obvious plus to any zombie resistance. OF COURSE we'd have to program it to want to stop the zombies, but after that little obstacle we've got a killing machine on our hands.

Five: Han Solo. He may not be super-strong, or have any super powers for that matter, but Han Solo possesses a little thing called Luck +20. He makes it out of impossible situations and he thinks fast on his feet. If something seems like a bad idea, he'll be the first to say so and he'll explain why everyone would be crazy to go through with it. In short, he's a great balance to round out the team.

The problems with this team: Who exactly is going to lead? Bruce Willis seems like an obvious choice but Batman doesn't take orders from anyone and he's not much of a group person in the first place. Even in the Justice League he's only a part-time member and only shows up when he's really, truly needed. Han Solo is a great balance and his luck is fantastic, but how good would he be in a super-stressful situation with a ton of zombies running after him? If he has the Millenium Falcon then we can assume the tables are turned and the zombies are going down a whole lot faster, but the same goes for if Batman has his awesome Jet. Green Arrow is probably going to fight logistics from time to time, and honestly if Bruce Willis can't emerge as leader then they're more like five individuals who are working sort-of together rather than a "team."

The pros of this team: Well seriously? It would be fricken hilarious to watch this team in action. Green Arrow, Han Solo, and Bruce Willis would be crazy competetition for any leading lady that ends up in the story for romantic-interest purposes. Batman would disappear all the time, terrifying the team and making them think he's been turned, only to return with more bad ass gadgets and the like. Personally, I think zombies would terrify the crap out of Han Solo and he'd have a really hard time coping with them being around unless he had the falcon. Oh, and dialogue? You want some of the wittiest, most on-the-fly dialogue you've ever heard and you put these five together against a zombie apocalypse. I can just see it now and to be honest if it ever really happened I'd die of laughter. (If someone can conceive writing a web-comic about this PLEASE let me know).

So, what do you think you'd pick for your top five?

Signing out,
Lady Lara Jones

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Danicus said...

In no particular order, my Top 5 to stop a zombie outbreak.

Batman - You nailed most of his attributes right away, but left out that he's a natural-born leader. Batman & the Outsiders being a prime example, he can take any ragtag group of people and inspire them to fight as a unit. Sure he's a diffcult taskmaster, but he gets the job done. The other things, superb training, finely honed intellect, that goes without saying.

The Punisher - The man is a walking paramilitary force. His armory alone could arm dozens, if not hundreds of normal citizens. Barring that, he's killed thousands of people in his career. A skill that I am certain will carry over quite well to the Undead.

Maj. Richard Winters - The only 'real' person on my list, This man led Easy Company from D-Day to The Eagle's Nest in Germany. A brilliant strategist and amazing soldier, I think he's earned his spot. I was tempted to use an actor in this slot... but they arent ACTUALLY badasses. They're just actors.

Nick Fury - Originally brought on for the same reasons as the Punisher, he also commands SHIELD, thus matching the Punisher's one-man army with an ACTUAL army. plus, the Helicarrier would make one badass fighting platform.

and last but definitely not least....

Optimus Prime - Zombies can't infect someone with no blood or flesh, so a giant robot who can turn into a semi is probably a decent choice. he can run over hordes, or blast them with a fusion cannon. Either way, the leader of the Autobots cares about humans, so will protect them from the zombie menace.


Ian said...

Ok, I want to jump on this bandwagon as well. Just to clarify ahead of time: while I will not be chosing Batman, I would like it assumed that my team has his writers, and thus already know everything ahead of time and are prepared for it.

Predator - Silent (kinda), stealthy (enough for zombie-fighting), super-human strength and equiped with a conveniently well-adapted arsenal of high tech gadgets. It has a hunter's killer-instinct and a desire to preserve its ultimate pray: humans. Disregarding the silly comic where batman beats the predator, I think it's got what it takes in spades. Also, it may or may not be susceptible to zombie-infection (though a predator zombie would be untold magnitudes of badass)

Hattori Hanzo - Legendary swordsman, spearman, strategist and (of course) ninja from Iga. He would possess the stealth to effectively work with the Predator's sneaky tactics, a solid grasp on military tactics which would permit dividing, cornering and repositioning of the zombie horde currently at hand, not to mention having lines of retreat and superior battlefield positioning.

Terminator T-1000 - Just like Lady Jones' choice...only LIQUID METAL. Yes, while physically improbable (never say impossible), this would permit the T-1000 to mimic zombies or anything else it physically touches of a reasonable size. It would be infection-proof and, while they never specify its battery life or other operational limitations, it would be an iminently suitable choice for a stealth-oriented group.

MacGyver - Sure, he's just a regular guy with a good conscience and benevolent problem-solving tendencies, but he can also make a bazooka out of the contents of a waste paper basket. MacGyver's resourcefulness would come in great use after the zombie apocalypse, a world in which the best goods will be scavenged and cobbled together out of disgarded or depleted garbage.

The Tick - Big, dumb, strong and nigh invulnerable, the Tick could likely take on the entire zombie horde before lunch time with naught but his dogmaticly self-appointed awesomeness. If somehow the Tick became infected, it would quite possibly be the most unexaggeratably sweet end humanity could have hoped for.

Note: I omitted the Guyver, as it appeared redundant with MacGyver, and was just too damn cheesy.

Lady Lara Jones said...

Oh man. I have so much to say, but for now I will say this. Although I had not thought of Optimus Prime, he is obviously an extremely efficient choice for wiping out mass hordes of zombies. Terminator T-1,000 is another version of Terminator I hadn't considered but makes complete sense. I find it hilarious that we could imagine Optimus running over a whole bunch of zombies...
Also, Danicus' team would also provide some ridiculous dialogue. I can't see Ian's team fully communicating what with Hattori Honso speaking Japanese and the Predator not speaking english...but it would still be a pretty interesting group to watch in action nonetheless. Macgyver is just, well, awesome, and I appreciate Danicus' choice of 'real' person Richard Winters.
They are both pretty awesome teams, really.

Chris said...

I could see a Transformers spin-off where they have to stop Megtron from turning the whole world into zombies.

Road Warrior + Land of the Dead + Borg + Transforming Robots = Awesomeness. As long as it isn't directed by Micheal Bay.