Wednesday, May 13, 2009

You all know I wouldn't be able to resist this

If there is one thing that is able to draw me from my crazy eyed, packing/cross country move nightmare it is epically bad movies. This one is so awesomely awful that we need a new word for it. Awesomeful? Awfulsome? Or perhaps we should just say Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus. No. Seriously.

I have watched the trailer about eleven times and there are still so many unanswered questions.

How desperate were Lorenzo Lamas and Deborah Gibson for money that they decided to "star" in this movie? Surely there are less humiliating ways to earn money. Like selling your kidneys on the black market.

When is the exact moment in this movie that you can actually see the actors die on the inside? How much LSD did you have to take to come up with this concept?

How is a shark, albeit even a mega one, able to leap thousands of miles into the air to chow down on an commercial airplane? Why would the shark even want to do that? Was it bored? Was it a dare from his other mega shark friends? I suppose even mega sharks suffer from peer pressure.

You are aware that if something living is frozen it does not place the organism in a state of suspended animation but kills it dead, right, movie? Also, if you want to go for the mega fauna angle, you are way off with your math. Way off.

How drunk do you think that Australian guy was in order to say the line "I've looked into its eyes" without laughing and/or losing all respect for himself?

Thrilla in Manilla, Deborah Gibson? Really? You just managed to get five shades whiter saying that line. Also, I will pay you to never, ever utter that inane line again.

Are the writers aware that octopuses, even giant ones, are not natural enemies of sharks, even mega ones?

What the fuck? No, seriously, what the fucking fuck, Asylum? It was like this movie was specifically made to fuck with my head.

I think we all know that I am going to buy the hell out of this movie and recap it for you because Giant Octopus vs. Mega Shark, people! I am only so strong.

1 comment:

Lady Lara Jones said...

Hee hee...octopus vs. mega I must see it.