That's not how crying works

This isn't really geeky, but like Darcy said, "This is relevant to my interests damnit!" And by that I mean I like to find things and make fun of them.

What I found was a photo exhibit about various actors crying. The exhibit focused on finding big masculine men (although some of them are really, really not masculine. I'm looking at you, Hayden Christansen) and presenting them in a different light.

Some of the photos are really striking, like Daniel Craig, who looked like he'd been crying for hours, and William Dafoe, who looked pretty damn wrecked.

I am, however, going to share my two favorites with you. And by now you should know that by "favorites" I mean "ones that I find to be hilarious."

I hate you, Hayden Christansen, and you stupid perfect emo tear and your pink shirt and your carefully styled messy hair and trying to look tragic and handsome and even crying you still manage to look dead inside and I want to hit you in your stupid whiny face!

How long do you think he sat there trying for that one perfect tear? "Wait, wait, don't take the picture just yet. I need to look both sad and beautiful. Can men be beautiful? I mean, I'm pretty damn good looking. Did you see Jumper? I was so damn hot in that. Oh, right I'm supposed to be thinking of something sad. Um, dead puppies, dead puppies, dead puppies, did you get the shot? Didn't my one perfect tear and pouty lips totally tug at your heart? God, I'm good."

Hayden Christansen is one of those people who if I see on the street I will be arrested for assault because I will brick him. In the face.

And now my ultimate favorite, I present to you, Robert Downey, Junior:

That's now how crying works, Robert Downey, Jr. Also, were you trying for thirteen year old girl? Good god, you look like your crush totally dumped you in front of your friends and oh god, why can't he see that you two are just meant to be together? Good thing you have that swooning couch. Just lay down, perfectly posed to let all viewers know of the abject tragedy of your life and listen to Evanescence. They'll all be sorry one day. You'll show them. You are smart and beautiful and THEY'LL BE SORRY.

Robert Downey Jr. is the poutiest princess in all the land. I sort of want to pet him.

ETA: Thanks to Liz for reminding me who was the manliest crying-est man of them all:

I think RDJ might have competition on who is the poutiest princess in all the land. Catfight!

Want more crying men? Go here.

And sometimes fandom rewards your patience and suffering...like in Buddhism!

Chris Claremont returns to write the X:Men...right where he left off!
(thanks to Danicus for showing me this!)
I have always been a fan of simplicity. (It's probably derived from my base character concept: laziness.) I don't like having to think too much, at least not when it comes to comic continuity. It is widely acknowledged by the people who acknowledge such things that keeping up with the X-Men continuity these days is like nailing jell-o to a tree. That's probably why, when I read about Mr. Claremont's nostalgia sponging idea, I spontaneously squeed myself.

Ah, for the simpler times. 1991: an up and coming wunderkind artist by the name of Jim Lee is getting his showcase in a little relaunched baby title called simply X-Men with Chris Claremont the man who is responsible for some of the the most famous story arcs in the history of the X-Men franchise (Dark Pheonix Saga, Days of Future Past, God Loves, Man Kills) at the writing helm.
Then a few issues in, the wonder team wanders off, Jim Lee for his creator owned Wildstorm titles, Claremont for the wilds of other projects, and the downward spiral begins.

But now, in a stroke of mad-brilliance, Chris is picking up right where he left off, sadly, sans Lee (art is being done by Tom Gummet with a slightly third generation Kubert-esque style that's growing on me, even though I've never heard of the guy)

Now where, in the scope of crazy-straw continuity does that leave us?

Imagine if you will:

The team is still split into two, the Blue and Gold teams, lead by Cyclops and Storm (yay! Women in Leadership! Cyclops too cause he's a giant puss.) and most of the world still thinks they are dead! So much could be done with that!

Jean Grey, while still an emotional basket-case, is alive and not married to Scott! She has not yet settled firmly into her Pheonix persona, and has only died once. The potential is limitless.

The Beast is still semi-human looking; he does not at all resemble the mutant love child of Grover and Mufasa!

Storm is still a knife-fight-having-former-African-goddess-in-a-costume-that-isn't-awful-looking-badass! She isn't married to the Black Panther, (though I think that's kinda cool in a pandering sort of way.) and she is still suffering from the occasional psychotic violent claustrophobia induced episode that causes her to lay waste to shit for miles around. That's exciting!
ROGUE STILL HAS HER POWERS, they are out of control, she still can't be with her one true Cajun love machine, Gambit. Big hair and a southern-drawl, the way Rogue SHOULD be! Roll out the drama machine!

Wolverine!!! No bone claws, no memory of his past, still rockin' the tan and brown suit, still emo about Mariko and Jean Grey, still a furry little Canadian BADASS MOFO. The Wolverine that everyone I know loves and remembers.

Gambit: Still a Badass! (Though to be fair he never really stopped being a badass, but he's still a mysterious badass!)

I could go on, but as the laziness fairy reminds me, it would be super nerdy, obscure references and a waste of the readers time. This article goes into the exact state of the Marvel Universe in 1991 with a lot more depth than I have the patience to. (So read it!)

Chris Claremont is a great writer, whose strength lies in group and character stories, not to mention his extreme familiarity with the subject. I can't contain my excitement to read this, my first foray into the Marvel Universe since the late 90's that wasn't basic shelf browsing. If you are so inclined you should go pick up pretty much everything he's ever written cause chances are you'll enjoy it!
~Darcy

Alan Moore Hates Everything You Love

Against my best efforts--and don't listen to what Darcy says; she lies--I have apparently become the one who handles all of Alan Moore's craziness. Lucky me.

I had a couple of posts planned--a review of the new Prince of Persia game, book reviews, and maybe a thinky post on Dollhouse--but then I found out that Alan Moore did another interview, and his delicious bitter flavored crazy is like candy to me. Soul and tooth enamel destroying candy. And this means I get to share it all with you!

I'm picking and choosing my favorite questions and answers, and there is one in there that I'm convinced was meant just for me, but we'll get to that later, because I don't want to spoil it for anyone.

Word: You're very scathing on the state of today's superhero comics. Did you watch Heroes?

Moore: I was persuaded to watch it by people who said it nods to Watchmen but God, what a load of rubbish! It's a late-70s X-Men at best and full of terrible ideas and characters who've all been done to death. Beyond death. And the writing shows such contempt for the viewer. The climax, a man who is going to explode is carried off into the air by his brother... did anybody bother to compare the effects of a groundburst with an airburst nuclear explosion? I'll take the former over the latter, thanks. This is supposed to be the sort of thing that superhero stories are good at. I tell you, if we are ever threatened with a scenario like that in real life I hope the superheroes aren't American because we'll be sunk.

So does Alan Moore like anything? Although to be fair on this, Heroes does like to smack its viewers around, as seen by season two and the first half of season 3, and possibly the second half, although I'm holding out hope.

Moore says that this is supposed to be the sort of thing that superhero stories are good at, but what is he referring to? Avoiding nuclear explosion? General world saving? Be more specific, Alan Moore. Also, this is the second interview that I've seen where he blames America for everything. Dude, buddy, your books still sell over here, so maybe could you lighten up just a tad? Possibly tone down the bitterness just a smidgen? Or, you know, just go off on another crazy rant. That's good too, I guess.

Oh, and he ended his response to that question with this: This is why I don't work in movies or TV. It is almost physically impossible to tell a real story there. Well, that and you are a gigantic snob whose beard keeps eating the producers.

Word: Graphic novels like Watchmen, V For Vendetta and Frank Miller's Dark Knight Returns were supposed to usher in a new era of comics for adults. What went wrong?

Moore: Ah yes, the new era of grown-up comics! That worked out, didn't it? There really should have been more to comics than 20 years of grim, nasty remakes of Watchmen. The comics world was very optimistic in the late 80s and maybe what we thought was the beginning was actually the high point......And the other side of the comics industry, the achingly trendy, avant garde books, they're mired in a teenage worldview too. All they provide are comfort eating comics about neuroses and the emptiness of modern life and fear of dying alone.

So Alan Moore really does hate everything, or at least everything that he hasn't written. What does Alan Moore consider to be a grown-up comics? Superhero comics were and still are considered to be aimed at children, and due to the long continuity and various freaking unnecessary company wide events, I can see understand Moore's argument that there are not any story lines with depth or lasting effects.

But the indy comics he's talking about, well, I have to disagree. Sure, I can see how his argument might apply to Blankets (and this where Darcy will yell at me), but there are some books, like Alcoholic and Funhouse, while working as a visual memoir, are explorations of family and self, and are much bigger than they appear.

And, hey, Alan Moore, I know that you've worked with those themes you cite up there, so are we including you on this list now?

Alan Moore had this to say about Battlestar Galactica: I have seen the first half of the final series of Battlestar Galactica. It's well done, but I'll reserve judgment until I've seen the final episodes, because it could, as with so many of these things, end up as a bit of a mess. ... I feel that the big problem with most of these programs is that people start off with the good beginnings of an idea. That is disastrous because that is enough to get a show commissioned. So you've got the beginnings of a good idea and if it's not brought to its conclusion properly, it won't be a good idea at all; it'll be a waste of everybody's time.

I'm a little surprised by this, because BSG is so dark and grim and unhappy that I though Alan Moore would use his warlock powers and immigrate to the show. I just like how bitter he is here: "that is disastrous because that is enough to get a show commissioned." Oh, Alan Moore, you hate everything connected with Hollywood, don't you? I think some of this might stem from the fact that his beard is not photogenic.

Moore: Frank Miller, I haven't been able to read him for some time. Have you seen his latest idea? It is - and I can hardly believe this - Batman vs Al Qaeda. What can you say to an idea as absurd as that? This is our response to the Iraq war? Miller's trapped in a teenage world of macho violence. Look at Sin City. Every woman is a bloodthirsty, semi-naked whore; every man is a indestructible killing machine. It's nasty, misogynist, Neanderthal Teenage, but it sells.

Oh, Alan Moore, you are a bitter, crazy, be-bearded mountain man after my own heart. And by that I mean please don't take my still beating heart for your collection.

I really want Frank Miller to respond to this because it would eventually escalate to a cage match between the two and then we'll see Alan Moore's beard release it's full rage on poor, hapless, INSANE Frank Miller and it will be awesome.

We have now reached the point where Alan Moore becomes a caricature of himself and I am totally vindicated:

WORD:You've now dedicated yourself to the practise and exploration of magic. Does it work? Do you use it to a purpose: "I curse you, DC Comics, for nicking V For Vendetta off me" and so on?

MOORE: Well if I had I wouldn't tell you, would I, ha ha! I do have a few personal rituals which I pursue from time to time and all I can say is, my personal wellbeing and belief system are in pretty good shape. I do have quite an old and rare book called The Grimoire Of The Spirit Of The Place which purports to be written by "an old sea captain" and details how you can summon up and capture the local spirit using a pig - although apparently if you have the book you don't need to kill the pig, which is good. I might give that a try soon; it fits with my interest in psychogeography and the locality of Northampton. I like my magic to be public. That way, if it's ridiculous, people know.

So when I said you were a warlock, Alan Moore, I was mostly joking, and yet you actually own grimoire written by a drunk old sea captain. Like John Hodges said on The Daily Show, it's emergency Christmas and this is my emergency Christmas present! Thanks, zombie Jesus!

I had to discuss this with Darcy and we both agree that Alan Moore is just a tiny step away from becoming a super villain. It's a good thing he doesn't actually accept any money from the movies they adapt from his work, because then he would buy an entire island fortress and a space laser and threaten the United Nations every other week.

Alan Moore will basically become Dr. Doom and start referring to himself in the third person: "Alan Moore demands that no one but Alan Moore writes comics. Alan Moore wants America to admit its a little bitch and to just give up. Alan Moore demands more pigs for Alan Moore's dark rituals. Alan Moore's beard thirst for the flesh of the innocent. Alan Moore demands the finest velvet hats are made especially for him."

It's only a matter of time before Alan Moore gets his hands on a thermo-nuclear weapon and holds the world hostage. Also, his beard will become more elaborate and wild until it covers his entire face and no human weapon can so much as dent its impenetrable hair.

I don't know about you folks, but I for one welcome our new bearded overlord.

Go here to see more of Alan Moore's interview.

I put in the first couple of ones to convince you I had good taste

A while ago Darcy posted a list about some of her guilty pleasures. Among those was the Twilight series and I mocked her mercilessly for it, because that's how I show love--through sheer, unrelenting mockery that slowly destroys the person of my affection's self-esteem. I figured I should give Darcy a chance to fight back, so I'm going to ramble about my favorite comfort books.

These books are the equivalent of a childhood blanket. They're the books that, despite their quality, I always pull out when I'm a pathetic pile of illness, which was fitting this week since I looked like a zombie if you managed to microwave it on high for five minutes. Yeah, I looked pretty.

The list of my comfort books start off with the not really embarrassing at all and ends with the books that probably should never have been written by human kind, much less be read by anyone who has even a passing acquaintance with the English language. And yet I love them, even though they destroy precious, precious brain cells.

First up we have America (The Book). Just like The Daily Show it manages to be hilarious while skewering politics. Since this book came out at the end of 2003, it's a little weird reading those correspondents who have long since moved on. There's Rob Cordry, gone, Ed Helms, gone, Stephen Colbert, now on his own show, and Samantha Bee, and Bee is the only one still around. Weird.

I feel I should add I Am America (And So Can You) to this, but first of all my sister took my copy when she moved because she is a horrible human being who I wish a pox on, and second of all Jon Stewart is totally my secret husband (so secret even he doesn't know!) and therefore will always be my favorite. America still makes me laugh, every time, or, in the case of the naked Supreme Court Justices, cringing in horror and misery, and thus cheers me out of my brain eating funk.

Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams. Do I even need to say anything about this? It's Hitchhikers. It's 42 and the resteraunt at the end of the universe and Aurthur Dent and Ford Prefect and Zaphod and Trillian and Marvin and it's brilliant. I'm not going to talk about the movie, because parts of it made me happy (Alan Rickman as Marvin) and other parts made me super sad (Aurthur/Trillain romance. Really? Also, Zooey Deschnal as a not at all British Trillian. Ugh).

If there is a geek cannon, HGttG is most definitely on it. I own all five of the books, two copies of the hardcover collection (one was a gift and the other I picked up at a used bookstore and is an older copy and doesn't have Mostly Harmless in it). I read HGttG for the first time in my freshmen year of high school, the same year Adams died from a heart attack. I got my copies at a used bookstore, and they are torn and battered, and I ended up staying up almost all night when I started Hitchhikers because it was amazing and I couldn't just read a chapter before I went to bed. HGttG is funny and irreverent and still manages moments of poignancy, and every time I read it never ceases to delight.

In September the BBC announced that Eoin Colfer, author of the Artemis Fowler series, is set to write the sixth book titled And Another Thing, with the permission of Jane Belson, Adams' wife.

Adams himself said he always planned a sixth book,because fifth was an odd number to stop on, and because Mostly Harmless is pretty damn dark. Adams also started a third Dirk Gently book, and the first couple of chapters, the only ones he'd written before he died, are in Salmon of Doubt, and it's such a sad, depressing tease to know that's all we're going to get.

Now, I haven't read Colfer, so I can't comment on how good of a job he'll do. Colfer said there is a lot more pressure to get this right then with any of his own books, and I don't envy his position. Not only does Adams have a deceptively difficult tone and style to copy, but no matter how amazing and brilliant And Another Thing might be, Colfer is going to take a lot of crap from die hard fans, who won't be happy unless zombie Douglas Adams himself came back to write it (I would totally be okay with zombie Adams eating my brains if it meant I got another Hitchhikers book).

Also, this will be the only book that will have a title that isn't a callback to the first book. This is a signal that this isn't going to be an Adams book, but Colfer apparently wants to do right by the series, and if nothing else, it'll read like a tribute to Adams (hopefully a better tribue than Frank Miller's The Spirit movie was for Will Eisner. O FRANK MILLER NO).

The Last Continent by Terry Pratchett. I started reading the Discworld series the same year that I discovered Adams, so it was sort of like my geek coming out.

I love the Discworld novels and Pratchett (who has a rare form of Alzheimers because god hates geeks), and I can't explain why this is my favorite. It's not just Rincewind and the Luggage and the faculty of Unseen University, and the skewing of Australia and the cameo by Death (who might be my favorite of all Discworld character, even though Reaper Man is not my favorite Discworld novel), but I love this book so much. I read it at least once a year, and has gone everywhere with me, even to London where I got it signed by Terry Pratchett himself. He made fun of the "manky American" cover (as seen on the left) and the fact the spine is cracking and peeling, but Terry Pratchett signed my book. The emphasis is very much needed. Also, his voice was higher pitched than I thought it would be.

Beyond all the others, I think The Last Continent is very much my blanky in book form. I know what all the jokes are, about the god of evolution, and the people Rincewind will meet, and about the kangaroos and the why the platypus is (not why it is anything, just is), and it still delights me every time. If it were physically possible for me to cuddle all the characters in this book I would. I would also cuddle Terry Pratchett if it wouldn't end in me being arrested.

Coraline by Neil Gaiman. I got to go to a reading and signing by Neil Gaiman, which was as awesome as you think it would be, which has nothing to do with anything other than to mention that I didn't bring Good Omens with me and I missed an opportunity to have both Pratchett and Gaiman sign it, which is heartbreaking because they leave little jokes to each other.

Sandman is right behind Watchmen in graphic novels that geeks worship, and Coraline, while written for a younger audience, is just as brilliant, albeit in a different way. Coraline is subtly creepy, in that the creepy sneaks up on you and mugs you later, helped out a lot by Dave McKean's illustrations (oh god, the Other Mother gives me nightmares). It's written in a sparse, understated way that is pitch perfect. I sent a copy to my little sister, because, hey, everyone needs their first Gaiman induced nightmare at a young age.

Sweet dreams, Haley! I'll be in the next room, so try to keep your terrified screams down to a minimum.

And this is when I give up any pretense of having good taste. Darcy, pay attention. I'm giving you ammo for years to come.

The Nightrunner Series by Lynn Flewelling. So Flewelling is actually a good writer. The Bone Twin is an interesting book that deals with gender issues and political intrigue. Nightrunner, however, really does none of that. Okay, that's not entirely true. The first two books are linked together, and aren't bad. The third and the fourth have the thread of the war established in the first two books running through it, but then they go off the rails. In a really embarrassing way.

Nightrunner (and The Bone Twin is sort of prequel to the triology) is set in a fantasy world with warring countries and the Fae. Yes, the Fae, like magical elf faeries. I wish I was kidding. Seregil (prounoucned Ser-uh-gil), is a Fae who was banished for killing some dude and Alec, a half-fae, is taken in by Seregil and they hook up and become couple at the end of the second book.

Oh, it gets better. Flewelling says they are "talimenos," which I guess is the gay fae equivalent of a super special soul bond, and you see why this post is filed under "Don't Judge me?" If not here's a HINT:

Yes, this is the cover of the fourth book. I guess that's Seregil apparently waiting for Alec to fellate him.

The entire premise of the fourth book is that they're captured and kept as slaves and some alchemist forms a magical baby from Alec's blood, and it can heal people and bring them back to life and it is ridiculous. And yet I love it. It's sort of like eating an entire box of chocolates, and you hate yourself for it, but at the time it is delicious even if it will eventually kill you.

And if you think that was bad, well, you are really not prepared for The Black Jewels Trilogy by Anne Bishop.

Karen Healey described it perfectly as "magical cock ring AU" and it's TRUE. There are actual cock rings and it defies description.

There are characters named Saetan and Lucivar and Daemon for no reason, and one has WINGS. Oh, and there are some Undead wandering around for some reason, and certain species, I guess, have these magical jewels, and the darker the jewels the more powerful you are. And the super special blonde witch queen has the blackiest jewels of them all!

And Daemon is supposed to be her promised one true love and can't get it up for anyone other woman, and did I mention he was a pleasure slave? Yeah, he was. Oh and he met the super special blonde witch queen as a child and had to wait until she got older, and I swear I am not making this up.

Oh, and there are magical talking animals with jewels. One of which is a unicorn. Yes, there is a magical talking unicorn.

There are times when I'm reading it and I feel embarrassed for Anne Bishop. I've actually had to put the book down and take deep breaths until I felt strong enough to go on. There are characters who literally hiss (who does that?) and they are always steepling fingers and Bishop reminds you that yarbah is blood wine EVERY TIME SHE MENTIONS IT, and there's all this drama and the super special magical blonde witch queen stops the sun rising and OMG BISHOP WHY.

So I think Bishop might be trying to be feminist, for a given value of "feminism," in that the women are supposed to be the leaders and queens and are super special and all the men love them and would protect them and die for them and blah blah blah, but it's not. It's just ridiculous, which is the only way I can really describe this.

Normally these would be the kind of books I would drop and run the hell away from and yet once you start reading you can't stop. I blew through all three rather long books in a single weekend. Sure, I felt like you do after eating an entire gross of potato chips, but it was addicting in the exact same way. I think the pages of the books may actually be laced for crack because there is no reason for me to enjoy those books. I mean, talking unicorns. Oy.

So there you have it, folks. Let the mocking begin.

Girls Love Capers Too!

I have some thoughts on Heroes. I meant to do this earlier this week, but between classes, homework, and the awesome AWP Conference being held in Chicago this year, I haven't gotten around to it until just now.

Like many geeks, I loved the first season. Besides some occasional ridiculously awful dialogue (which Darcy points out that since this is essentially comic book show you have to expect some comic-y dialogue), it had a strong season long arc, strong character arcs and characterization, and good acting (except from Milo Ventimiglia, who ACTS).

And there was season 2. Oh god, season 2. It brought us Hiro in Japan, Peter letting Caitlin be retconned in that dystopia future, Wes the creepy stalker, and the goddamn Wondertwins. Oh jesus, the Wondertwins. Although it did give us David Anders, which was one of the few bright spots.

But Tim Kring assured us he heard the complaints and was going to fix the show. His pants may have, in fact, been on fire when he said that. Volume Three: Villans had an interesting premise, such as exploring the gray area between good and evil, but it turned out to really be a volume of watching Sylar switch between eating brains and trying to be good about eighteen times, AND OMG SYLAR JUST PICK ONE. There was also Mohinder being retarded, the goddamn Wondertwin still hanging around, only the writers whored her up in addition to her being useless, Hiro became ten (which was adorable, but what was the point?), and at one low point there were two Milos on the screen where he tried to out act himself and I wanted to die. And then Nathan proved to have absolutely no will of his own and decided to pull an X-Men and have all the heroes imprisoned, which brings us to the next volume.

I've seen the first two episodes, and I have to say, it seems like this volume is getting back to what the first season was. We haven't had any voice overs by Mohinder, thank god, and that scene from the first episode where all the heroes were in orange jumpsuits, with hoods over their heads was striking and creepy, and very well done.

Although they haven't actually explained how Sylar survived being stabbed in the back of the head by Claire, he's back. Of course. This pains me to say because I really love Zachery Quinto and think he's an amazing actor, but we're back to his daddy issues? Again? Really? I am interested now that they've given him, as Darcy pointed out, his very own Dick Grayson. Hey, Heroes, if you put Luke into the scaly, green panties I am willing to forgive both volume two and three and for the existence of the Wondertwin. Seriously.

But then there was a scene in the last episode that filled me with, if not rage, a good deal of anger (I'm going to let Darcy take care of the happy making part of the show, because she does it better than me). It has Matt, Mohinder (who I like to refer to as Dr. McPeasantBlouses when's being stupid and pissing me off), Hiro, and Ando, standing around Matt's future drawings and deciding to start fighting back. And it was a good scene and I was all, "Yeah! Do it! Actually use your powers!" until I realized that were absolutely no female characters involved in this caper. And then I realized that this show had become, basically, a boys' club, and all the female characters were suddenly few and far between.

Look, I love Heroes (in an abusive kind of way), but it's never been without it's gender problems, but at least there were female characters getting decent amount of screen time, and at least they were relatively complex and not the sexy damsels in distress I usually have to put up with. Only at the end of this episode I realized that the show was down to essentially three female characters: Tracy, Claire, and Angela, and that's when the anger came in.

In the first season, Heroes had good diversity, especially compared to the rest of super white television, only as season 2 and volume three dragged on not only is that diversity starting to go, but so have the female characters (the majority which, Darcy pointed out, have been blonde. No! Bad Heroes! Not all women are blonde! Blonde is nto the epitome of sexiness! No cookie for you!).

Let's take a look at some of the female characters killed off or sidelined so far (I'm focusing on the major characters, because if I took on all the minor female characters as well, such as Eden, Charlie, and Caitlin, we'd be here all day and I do have actual schoolwork to do).

Nikki: Killed in a big explosion at the end of the pain inducing season 2. I can understand why the writers killed her off: she had become a one-note character due to her split personalities, but whose fault is that? Oh, yes, the writers. At the end of the first season it looked like she had managed to reintegrate Jessica back into her, but then season two revealed that nope! They are more personalities out there!

And that managed to piss off the viewers because, hey, we already had a complete season of that. There were other directions and ways the character could have grown, but nope! Let's stick with the one-note thing, because that works out well. Ugh.

Meredith: She bit it at the end of volume 3, supposedly a victim of her own power (but since she can't be burned by her own fire, she might have still been able to survive). Meredith was Claire's biological mother, and this season saw her given backstory and more chacterization and they killed her. I'm thinking it was nominally for "reducing the cast" to a more manageable level, but Meredith? Come on, she was awesome! Her relationship with not only Claire but with Noah and Sandra was complex and layered, and she would have been a great addition to this heroes on the run storyline.

You know who could be gotten rid of and not

affect anything? As much as it pains me to say this because of my love for Zachery Quinto, Sylar. Dear god, seriously, he was an interesting character the first season with the spin on the serial killer, but now he's back to being a crazy man with daddy issues that we've seen about thriteen different times at this point. Oh yes, that's so much more interesting than a complex woman with a layers and nuanced characterization and relationships, who still kicks so much ass. Thank god you fixed that, show.

Maya the Wondertwin: As you probably guess, I'm not fond of Maya. In fact, seeing her on the screen is guaranteed to draw out a "GODDAMNIT WONDERTWIN" from me. But I do want to make it clear that this complete and utter FUBAR mishandling of the character is the writers' faults.

Since the introduction, Maya had no agency. She couldn't control her emo black tears crying power, and it took her brother to stop it. (Side note: How the hell does Maya powers even work? Darcy thinks that it's some sort of virus thing, and her brother was the cure, but did that even come up on the show? I don't remember). So we have a female of color character who can't control her power and has to rely on her brother to keep her in check. Nice, show.

Look out! She's going to start singing My Chemical Romance!

She does eventually get it under control, but she still has no agency. She's manipulated by Sylar(but so was Dr. McPeasantBlouse and to a greater extent), and volume 3 saw her reduced to the passive love interest. Her only purpose, as far as I can tell, was to have her standing around being sexy with a vastly improved command of the English Language (which was interesting she spoke English and her brother didn't. I wish they explored Maya's obvious intelligence and drive instead of whoring her up), and to be sexually available to Dr. McPeasantBlouses as he was going all spider Jekyll and Hyde.

And then Maya, after being cocooned by Spiderhinder, was shuffled off to a place in New Jersey and we never see her again. To be fair, when Mohinder did try to apologize and all that jazz, Maya called him on his bullshit craziness and left him. So it looks like Maya may be out of the picture for good.

While this pleases me because, seriously, her character was annoying, I have to recognize that she could have been so much more. Instead of focusing on Maya's religion (she was shown to be deeply Catholic, a fact that was lost in the volume 3 black hole of suck), her determination, even in face of overhwhelming fear, instead we got a passive character, whose power was crying, who only served to be sexed up by a male character and then later abused by him to show how crazy he had gone. Yeah, Maya suffered from Women in Refrigerators syndrome, much as Nikki and Meredith did (I guess it really is a comic book show!).

Molly: Hey, were is Molly? Shuttled off to some place by Mohinder and never mentioned again. She had a brief cameo in that future episode, but has not been heard from since. What really bothers me about this is that Matt isn't concerned about her. Matt adopted her and he hasn't even thought to ask Mohinder where she might be? Or that maybe he should go get her? This poor girl has already lost two parents and now she's just been passed around.

I'm hoping that Molly will come back, especially in light of this new storyline, because how valuable will Molly the human tracker be to Nathan? Very. Actually, I would just be happy to see even a one line toss off from Mohinder or Matt being concerned about her, and it's a sad fact taht my expectations for this show is this low.

Monica: Another character from domestic abuser season 2. Unlike the Wondertwin, I didn't feel the need to reach through my television set and choke her. In fact, I quite liked Monica. Sure, in trying to be contemporary with Monica being a Hurricane Katrina survivor, it came off pretty stereotypical, and the handling of her character wasn't great, and, like with so many things, the writers could have done so much more with her, but she was determined, ambitious woman with some pretty damn awesome powers.

She's a muscle mimic, which means when she sees something she can immediately do it. How awesome is that? So awesome. There are so many possibilities to do with a power like that, but the writers are made of fail and didn't take advantage of that. Not surprising, since all of season 2 was made of fail.

Monica and Micah's relationship was sweet and interesting. She was obviously very fond of Micah, even bordeline maternal, and with the death of Nikki I would love to see that develop more. (Also, more grandma Uhura please.) Here there are so many possibilies with this new storyline, with both Micah and Monica on the run: the two of them depending on each other, Monica using her awesome powers to take down the soldiers, Micah just be the generally kickasss shit together kid he is. Seriously, wouldn't you love to see that? Well, you probably won't since both Micah and Monica have been shuffled off, because this show apparently forgot how to handle it's large cast.

This brings me to another point, which I'll try to not dwell on too long. This show, beside gender problems, has some race problems too. DL is dead, Micah and Monica are essentially dead, the Haitian's (why doesn't he have a name?) storyline with his borther was really about Nathan and Peter and their stupid, whiny problems, and NeoIsac the African Precog is now playing ghost Magical Black Man to Matt's Ineffective White Man. Well done, show.

Does he have a name? I guess he was too busy helping the white guy not die to mention what it is.

Elle: Another dead blonde. I liked Elle, mostly because Kristen Belle is an amazing actress. In season 2, which the show is trying to pretend never happened, la la la, Elle is portrayed as being a rather cheerful sociopath, who was made that way by her freaky father. And then volume 3 rolled around and, like everyone on the show, her character was all over the map.

They pulled some retconning and Elle helped make Sylar crazypants, but she didn't want to and shown to have a conscious, although in season 2 Elle was perfectly okay with killing people. She and Sylar ended hooking up because they had compatible Daddy Issues, and then Sylar killed her and she didn't fight back.

I know Kristen Belle wanted out of this show, and I can't blame her for that, but we've seen before that she was able to take Sylar down when he tried to slice her head open. This time it could be argued that since he has her power it wouldn't affect him, but she still could have tried to stop him instead of laying there and taking it. That goes against everything we've been shown about Elle.

Daphne: I like, Daphne, I do, even with her super comic book hair. I'm not too keen with her romance with Matt, but I like her character. I like how she loves her powers, her byplay with Hiro and Ando, and that she is trying to do the right thing.

The romance with Matt was rushed and weird. Matt saw the future, where he and Daphne were married with a kid, and immediately fell in love with her, I guess? I talked to Darcy about this, and she agrees that this doesn't make sense. Unless Matt somehow got future Matt's memories of their history together, why is he magically in love with her?

Daphne was weirded out by Matt, which I like because how else would you react to a man saying you were married with a baby in the future? And then she fell in love with Matt (and, okay, when he isn't annoying me, he is adorable), but it's not the age difference that bothers me but that in a lot of ways their relationship reads less of a romantic one between equals but more like a father chiding his teenage daughter (see their first scene in volume 4), and that is just icky.

What I like about Daphne is that she will use her powers and she will go into danger, and she'll do it with a snarky attitude. She even fought back against Papa Petrelli, even though she was terrified of him, she teamed up with Ando to rescue Hiro, she grabbed Ando and went into the danger zone to save Matt, she got Claire out of there, and we've seen her use her powers to save people, and what does she get for that? Shot in the back with little fanfare, ten seconds after I texted Darcy that I liked her. Like Meredith, I'm hoping Daphne isn't dead because she did die with little fanfare. I also want to point out that they killed one of the few remaining female characters in an episode they bring in a superflous male character (also, Sylar's sidekick couldn't be female? As Elle showed, girls have daddy issue too. Jesus, this show.)

Her death so far seems to be providing Matt with a reason to fight back. Oh, look, another women dying to give a man a reason to get his testosterone on. Fantastic. Hey, Heroes, you might want to buy another fridge; this one is getting full.

This leaves us with three prominent female characters left in the show: Claire with her magic Jesus blood will never die; Angela, who is just too hardcore to bite it; and Tracy, who has an offensive power but wasn't allowed to use it (and, yes, the soldiers had ice resistant cloth, but when Nathan had her dragged away in the last episode, she could have at least tried to resist).

Claire can't die, because she's the goddamn cheerleader, so it's down to Angela and Tracy, and if this show has taught me anything it's this: the women have to die so the men can save the world.

Hiro Worship (Warning: Heroes Spoilers-ish)

As a geeky girl, most of my energy that isn’t devoted to going to a job I only tolerate because it funds my comic book/dvd/video game habits, is expended in devotion. I am a loyal fan girl. When I love a show or a franchise of any kind, I love with my whole heart. When they put out bad shows or stupid movies it literally breaks my heart.

Heroes is just one of my various and sundry fandoms but I'm hooked on it pretty hard. Though, after two seasons of heartbreak; of idiotic characters and bad plot, you’d think a girl would know enough to move on and leave an emotionally damaging relationship before it’s too late. (The show loves me, really! You just don’t understand our relationship! It doesn’t want to hurt me, it’s my fault really my expectations are too high!)

I will allow Jayne to rant at length about the show’s flaws, she's better at it than I am. I'm here to love my show, in honor of V-day (which was yesterday, shut it I'm gimmicking). That narrows down to these two.
Hiro Nakamura and Ando Masahashi. Best friends. Magnificent bastards.
I wish I had the space and the time to rave about everything that I love about Hiro Nakamura alone. My ridiculous love for him isn't as irrational as Jayne's love of Gaeta from BSG (A super immature, pure, funny, nerdy little geek boy with a hero complex that loves waffles? I'm pretty much convinced in my sad little mind that we are made for each other. Plus he's not gay OR crazypants) He had me at "YATTA!"Season one begins, a bromance en medias res. After finally accepting that Hiro has indeed developed the abilty to stop time and teleport, Ando spent most of his time dancing around behind Hiro in a sort of "I don't know about this, Tommy." role. (And if you catch that reference I will send you cookies cause not only is it vague, but it's pretty damn obscure.) That was fine. Hiro needed his buddy to support his mission, to save the cheerleader, to save the world. Ando was the voice of reason for the (adorably) excitable Hiro. Keeping him grounded on his heroes quest. Even going so far as to trying to fulfill Hiro's role in the events of Kirby Plaza when it looks like Hiro himself wouldn't go. After the ungrateful selfish blond waste of space was rescued and th equally ungrateful world saved, however, the super-Hiro/sidekick dynamic started to wear on Ando, who was obviously not used to sitting in the sidecar of their friendship. Hiro himself seems slightly oblivious to his friend's issues, but he's so damn cute so I can't bring myself to care about Ando...yet.

Season 2 separated them for a time, and I was treated to sexy samurai Hiro, but there wasn't much of a change in their bromance. Ando's feeling of being left behind and his resentment of being powerless in the face of yet another attack on the world grew a bit, but season 2 was a waste of everyones time apparently because the producers of the show seem to want us all to forget it ever happened by retconning out everything that occurred.

Screw season 2, that's where the pain is.

Season 3 starts out so well! The bromance is threatened by yet another glimpse into a horrible future where Ando is a Sith Lord who kills Hiro for a piece of the stupid formula! Tension!
What could've happened to turn the loyal Ando against Hiro?

Later, Ando of course is feeling kind of pissy cause Hiro said he didn't need him and there is an adorable scene where Ando refuses to speak to Hiro while they're both trying to break out of Level 5. But they make up cause that's what besties do. Then, Hiro is still kinda freaked out about Ando killing him in the future so there is still that hanging in the air when Hiro has to stab Ando in the chest with his sword to infiltrate a group of villains. This little incident takes place between two episodes so there was a period of time, though brief, where Hiro had crossed a character line that he couldn't come back from. Many discussions with the people I watch this show with (including Jayne) reaffirmed that despite the evidence of other people acting wildly out of character that season, Hiro would never ever kill anyone, especially Ando. Thats part of the purity of the characters and their relationship. There was absolutly no doubt that Ando was alive and that it was a trick. (And if we'd been wrong I'm sure I would have been leading a militia of people as we stormed the NBC studios with incindiary devices) Ando himelf understands having to be stabbed with a sword, cause that's what besties do. Also Hiro has the foresight to freeze time and prepare Ando with ketchup packets.
Oh then the cuteness just skyrockets!

Hiro and Ando go to Africa and suddenly, out of NOWHERE, Ando is visited by the sexy fairy.

Africa looks good on Ando. Oh my god. My cuddle lust for Hiro is suddenly threatened by my glomp lust for Ando. Tension! Or maybe that's just me...

Then there's an entire episode where Hiro thinks he's 10 and Ando takes him out for waffles and I may or may not have stopped breathing from glee at some point while that was going on.

Hee!
Anyway! Season three starts to circle the drain cause the writers lose focus and Papa-Petrelli's being a super D-Bag but no one's decisions make any sense within their character and the moral gray areas we were exploring are all starting to resemble skid marks and cool characters that everyone really likes are being picked off one by one as they outlive their one-note usefulness.

Then Ando gets super-powers, Hiro, a victim of superdickery via Papa Petrelli, loses them and the season ends. Meanwhile I'm limping emotionally and insisting to everyone that I walked into a door, honest, I did this to myself. But hope prevails.

This season the whole hero/sidekick dynamic changes for my favorite characters and I try not to flinch noticeably as the show opens its arms wide for me once again.
I will end on this adorable note, a sign that the show doesn't take itself too seriously and maybe the beatings will stop.As Jayne has stated, check out reviews on Television Without Pity for professional snarky recaps of this and many popular shows.
~Darcy

Well, it is Valentine's Day

Originally, I was going to do this long post talking about some of my favorite couples in comic books, and by that I mean actually canonical ones and the ones I made up in my head because it makes me giggle. But I spent all day in different panels at the AWP Conference (so, so awesome), and am now completely and utterly tired and lazy, which is probably a good thing for you because, let's face it, I make up some crazy shit (see everything I've said about Alan Moore ever).

Since it is Valentine's Day, I want to leave you with this lethal levels of cute drawing from Dwaryn Cook:

Things to love about this: Barda carrying Mr. Miracle bridal style; Mr. Miracle's pointed toes; his wobbly smitten smile and the flower; Big Barda's half-lidded sexin' up eyes; the heart; oh, I don't know, EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS. This is so adorable it can take down a man at twenty yards.

Here's hoping your Valentine's Day was as awesome as Big Barda and Mr. Miracle's! (Well, before DC killed her off because they hate happiness)

I Making You All My Accomplices In This

So yesterday I posted about my identical reactions to both Rorschach and the koala picture. In the comments, Danicus and Liz took the idea of Koala-shach and ran with it.

I then proceeded to hound Liz until she gave in and drew me this:

Because she is an awesome friend and she loves me and enables me! And no, you can't have her. She's my hetero lifepartner!

And so, dear readers, I propose to you a challenge. Envision your favorite Watchmen moments as if all the characters were horrible man-koala upright hybrids. Tell me about Dr. Koalahatten and how he built a giant flying euclaptyus tree on Mars! Or how Koala Spectre and Nite Koala totally beat up those baby koala punks! Let's not forget Koala Veidt's Australian paradise in Antarctica! Rewrite passages for the koala, or take a hint from Liz and doodle up some new character designs. C'mon, you know you wanna.

And, let's face it, it's only a matter of time before Alan Moore comes after us, wielding the thunderbolts he looted from Zeus' beard mauled corpse, so we might as well give him a reason to slake his thirst on our life essence!

I May Need An Intervention

I'm sure you've all figured out by now that I am super, ridiculously excited about the Watchmen movie (and you should probably brace yourself for a bombardment of Watchmen themed posts. Like a lot of them). There are two options for me about how this movie will turn out: 1) it'll be nothing but pure, orgasmic geek joy pumped into your veins via your eyeballs; or 2) it'll suck awfully and vindicate Alan Moore's bitterness and spite. Either way it's good news for me because it'll give me something to blog about.

One of the biggest draws about the movie, at least for me is going to be Jackie Earle Haley as Rorschach. Okay, I admit it: I really, stupidly, irrationally love Rorschach. He is a tiny, crazy man in a trench coat who goes around accusing people of being homosexual and breaking fingers and just being crazy and I am weak. There are certain fictional types (which will probably turn into another blog post later) I have no resistance against and Rorschach is totally one of them (for other types, well, there's dead gay Ted). I love everyone in Watchmen, all the ambiguities and gray areas and complexity, but Rorschach is hands down my favorite.

So after a couple of months of talking at my friend about how awesome Rorschach is and about the sheer depth and complexity of the work and did I mention that Rorschach is a crazy badass, she gave in and bought a copy of it and immediately also fell in love with Rorschach, mainly because we share a brain. I only mention this because the blame for what is about to happen is rests solely on her.

For the past couple of weeks she sends me stills from the movie, which we have called Daily Rorschach Picture Happiness Time. Yesterday I got Rorschach and a bonus picture, and my reaction to both was exactly the same. That deserves the emphasis, as you can see:

My reactions were as follows: "Omg poor, little koala! So cute! Let me snuggle your pain away! Omg, poor Rorschach! Let me snuggle you until you feel better!"

Yes, exactly. Apparently I have now reduced crazy badass Rorschach to the level of a poor, dehydrated, adorable koala. Somewhere Alan Moore's beard is screaming in rage.

Look, I am all for having deep and thoughtful conversations about the importance of Watchmen, on the issues it raises, the handling of the characters, the sheer mind blowing awesomeness that is Alan Moore's writing, but at other times I just have to give in to my inner fangirl and let the bitch make high pitched "eeee!" noises about how Rorschach is adorable and I just want to cuddle him.

Don't you judge me because I know all of you out there has your own equivalent of the Rorschach-koala moment. Which you should tell me about in the comments. This is a judge free zone!

Zombies make everything better!

I already posted about the sudden onslaught of zombie hordes upon the world of classic literature...in my own mind.But wait! There's MORE! The people in charge of of decisions like these are already planning to make a movie about the Regency gore-tacular (Thank you dear and fluffy Lord, for creating circumstances that allow me to say the phrase Regency gore-tacular) and this piece explores 10 movies that would be greatly improved with the advent of hordes and hordes and HORDES of the undead. Read it, it's funny!
The linked article mostly explores some good movies with zombies in them, but I know there is more fun to be had in putting completly random zombie hordes in terrible movies. Awful ones, movies that until the zombies was previously unwatchable without lethal amounts of liquor being pumped by helpful friends directly into your bloodstream. And really, I find insterting zombies into most situations entertaining.

Babes in Toyland: I don't have a distinct memory of when I saw this movie, it probably fell under the liquor pumping category. Basic plot, the little girl version of Drew Barrymore hits her head and goes to place called Toyland where Keanu Reeves wants to marry the daughter of Mrs. Hubbard. A bad guy who lives in a bowling ball is trying to commit evil acts through real estate fraude, stealing Keanu's girl and SHUTTING DOWN THE COOKIE FACTORY!?(WTFBASTARD!?)
Enter zombies! They mow down the plushies-on-crack-esque denziens of Toyland including weirdly Asian Santa and the cookie hating asshole that lives in a bowling ball. Drew Barrymore is bitten (alas alack) and Keanu finds her devouring the innards of a giant toy soldier in her undead frenzy. As he prepares to dispatch her with a giant candy cane suddenly his zombified love interest pops out of the ruins of the cookie factory and tears him to shreds! I love happy endings!

Glitter: I haven't actually seen this movie, but I'm told it's the screaming infinity of awfulness. IMDB tells me it's a sorta-kinda-not-really-rising star story about Mariah Carey and i'm sure she's ultra whorey in it-moving on.
Enter zombies! the Nemesis from the second Resident Evil movie shows up moments after the credits are finished rolling and takes off Mariah Carey's head with one swipe, then slaughters merrily into the sunset (we only allow the credits to roll so that we know the names of the people to hold responsible) That's totally worth 10 bucks!

Howard the Duck: Duck tastes great! I'm almost jealous of the zombies who will kill and eat EVERYONE RESPONSIBLE for this movie! I'm looking at you George!

Battlefield Earth: Didn't see this movie either. Aliens invade the Earth...oops too late the zombies got there first! (ZOOOOMMBIEEESSS IIIIIIIIIIINN SSPPAAAAAAAACEE!!!!)

Catwoman: Halle Berry's RIDICULOUS SUPER PANDERING COSTUME (that was made of stupidity and greed woven into a fine cloth by Nicaraguan children using thier tears for thread!) is absolutly no protection against the hunger of the risen corpses of the fans of the character she murdered! MURDERED!

Batman & Robin: Zombies will have a little trouble getting through the rubber suits and some might be defeated by the giggles or spontaneous head-esploding when thier dead eyes gaze upon Bat-nipples. I however have faith that our undead heroes will carry the day. Arnold Schwarzenegger's girly screams for mercy will be one of the few things heard above my squeals of delighted laughter. The only instance I can think of that I would EVER wish harm upon the Batman.

I love comments! Leave some of your ideas for movies that would be greatly improved by the undead hordes down below!
~Darcy

This is What Brilliance Looks Like through the Lens of Insanity

I read comics. A lot of comics. Hell, one of the reasons Darcy recruited me (besides my ability to talk about Alan Moore in a non-slanderous manner) was my ability to discuss comics at great length (see my post about Frank Miller. Oh god, why so long?) in a hopefully snarky manner. So I've come across some pretty awful writing and art in comics (see everything Rob Liefeld has ever done ever and Anita Blake: Useless and Ineffectual Vampire Follower), but there comes a time when there is something so awful, so absolutely skin peeling, mind bending insane that it takes on a certain level of brilliance.

Chris at The ISB was so kind as to point it out, and it is this panel from Tarot: Witch of the Black Rose #53 (this title redefines the term "brain stunningly stupid"). And it is this:

This is possibly the worse dialogue in the history of ever, and yet at the same time, it goes through complete and utter stupidity and comes out on the side of brilliance because, and I don't know about you, I could never come up with that in elevenity million years. Not even if my sole purpose of existence was to come up with the concept of haunted genitals, I would fail because your vagina is haunted? Really?

And then you think about it and it doesn't even make sense. If her vagina is haunted then how the hell is she supposed to get away from it? No place would be safe! Also, I hate this title for actually making me think about that.

This is unrelentingly stupid, but you have to respect it because you have to get out of here. Your vagina is haunted. Awe-freaking-some.

To read the entire hilarious recap, go here.

If you'll need me, I'll be over in the corner mourning for humanity, because your vagina is haunted.

My Inner Geek and Inner Consumer Whore are in Agreement

We've all heard about this Watchmen movie thing, right? It's sort of a big deal, even if Alan Moore is using all of his warlock powers to alter the universe so that the movie never exists (Cheer up, Alan Moore! Just think of all your other work Hollywood has yet to defile. That's fodder for years of delicious, delicious bitterness for you to spew!).

As with anything that has ever the barest whiff of perhaps being successful, the movie is getting the crap marketed out of it. Besides the Watchmen video game (which I am with holding judgement for until I can actually play it, but am very cautiously optimistic for. Hey, who doesn't want to play as Rorschach and beat the crap out of people? Communists, that's who), I am still hoping for a line of plushies, because not only would I buy the hell out of a Rorschach plushie and I'm sure the paunchy Dan plushie would be an excellent pillow, but it comes with the added benefit of making Alan Moore's beard explode in anger.

But those things are, alas, not what made my inner geek and inner consumer whore stand up and proceed to do a tango. That honor would belong to this:

Yes, my friends, that is coffee based on Dan Drieberg, Nite Owl II. It's described like so:

"Flavors of ripe tropical fruit and rich cacao open up to complex spice with vanilla and sweet tobacco notes in this beautifully balanced cup. The luscious, creamy body will linger sweet and seductively on the tongue to keep you wanting more, morning and especially night."

My god that sounds delicious. Although, as I told my friend when she pointed this out to me, I would have thought if you marketed anything with Nite Owl's name on it it would have been exercise equipment (yeah, I went there).

Considering my hard won geek status, my caffeine addiction, and the aforementioned inner consumer whore, I am going to be forced to buy this coffee, but unfortunately it's sold out. At some point in the future when I have money I shall buy it and drink it and inform all of you if tastes paunchy or not.

This Nite Owl coffee does open up new possibilities for marketing, like Rorschach brand anti-psychotics! Dr. Manhattan's Emo Band from Mars! Silk Spectre cigarettes! Taste even better when lit with a flamethrower!

The possibilities are endless. Or would be until Alan Moore finds out and goes on a rampage with his scythe that he stole from Death. Oh, Alan Moore, why do you hate happiness? And life giving coffee?

NOT a Girl Power rant at all...I swear!

New ‘Wonder Woman’ Animated Images Go Online, Producer Bruce Timm Talks Fashion & Mythology


Published by Casey Seijas on Friday, January 16, 2009 at 11:49 am.

When you’re dealing with a character like Wonder Woman — who has a long, storied history within the DCU — it’s often difficult to bring anything new to the table, even when you’re an Emmy Award-winning animator like Bruce Timm. However, rather than make any drastic changes to the character in the upcoming addition to DC’s critically acclaimed series of direct-to-DVD animated features, “Wonder Woman,” Timm — who serves as the film’s producer — simply decided to give the Amazon Warrior Princess a new pair of boots.
“We [looked] at a lot of the comics for inspiration,” said Timm. “One of the things that we specifically liked about [comic book artist] Adam Hughes’ most recent take on Wonder Woman was that he gave her kind of baggy boots – instead of those super-tight, go-go boot-type things. It’s a minor change, but it had an effect on her design.”

Naturally, fancy footwear isn’t the only thing fans can look forward to from the movie. After the jump Timm discusses how “Wonder Woman” will stand out from the rest of the series of DC animated features, and drops some hints about the overall story.
“We didn’t want to do anything that even remotely looked like what we have done with Wonder Woman on ‘Justice League,’” Timm said in regards to the challenges he faced in developing “Wonder Woman.” “She presents a challenge because she needs to be drop-dead gorgeous, but also very, very strong both physically and emotionally. She’s a powerful presence and we had to find that balance between athleticism and glamor.”

And despite the recent comments by the film’s screenwriter, Michael Jelenic, that “Wonder Woman” would be a mash-up of “300″ style battles with “rom-com” elements, Timm insisted that the film will indeed have the necessary ancient Greek elements Wonder Woman fans have come to expect from her epic comic tales.
“One of the things that really intrigued us the most about the whole Wonder Woman mythology is the actual mythology of it,” explained Timm. “Her character has distinct roots in classic Greek mythology, so we really played that up. The movie actually starts with a fairly long, epic battle that takes place in ancient times. It’s swords and sorcery, die-hard Amazon warriors versus monsters and barbarians.”

“Wonder Woman,” which features the vocal talents of Keri Russell, Alfred Molina, Virginia Madsen, Rosario Dawson and Oliver Platt, will premiere at next month’s New York Comic Con on February 6. Fans who won’t be able to attend the special screening will have to wait until “Wonder Woman” hits shelves on DVD and Blu-ray on March 3. The film will also be available on OnDemand, Pay-Per-View as well as digital download.

Ok. SO. I am ridiculously excited about this! Bruce Timm + ANYTHING = WIN. PLUS the voice of Steve Trevor is Nathan "Sex God in Suspenders" Fillion! (Why he isn't mentioned at the bottom of the article I don't know.)

But, fangirl squeeing aside, why has it taken so damn long for Wondy to get her own solo feature?! She is just as big a player in the DC Universe as her partners in the "Trinity"; Batman and Superman. She's considered the MOST powerful and dangerous woman in the DC Universe by lots and lots of people. She is arguably just as internationally recognizable as her male counterparts, but Wonderwoman has just never had the same success getting a franchise off the ground. Why didn't she get her own animated series when Supes and Bats had them?! Someone explain it to me! (Please Note: Her Live-action show from the 70's which is great but doesn't hold up wih modern audiences, and her portrayal in the WB's Justice League cartoons that some bastard exec cancelled and DC: the New Frontier animated movie where she was voiced by Lucy Lawless.)

I could rage and bitch and moan about the comic book industry's rampant gender bias and this society's persistent and egregious smothering of powerful women, but that's exhausting and I'm unprepared at this time for an argument that wouldn't just come out sounding like GRR!!ARGH!! I prefer using big words and sounding intelligent/coherent.

Honestly though, I don't think the above mentioned is solely to blame. Wondy has, sadly, been held back with weak story lines, ridiculous gimmicky character revamps and an embarrassing vulnerability to being tied up that has made her unrelatable and ill-suited to franchise translation. At some points in Wondy's career I'm sure her handlers could even be accused of a horrible corporate custom I've dubbed SUPER-PANDERING. (will rant about this further in a future post I'm sure.)

As I said I'm crazy excited about this movie (even though its pretty much straight to DVD) and I guess I'll take what I can get. I'd be REALLY happy if this did well and it led to other superheroines (Zatanna, Powergirl, Supergirl Big Barda, Batgirl, Hawkgirl, Black Canary, Huntress...did I just list the cast of the Birds of Prey feature? I THINK I DID.) got their own movies or features or series!

This blog is PROOF that a market exists form these movies. I'm pretty sure if the action is good enough, (judging by the trailer above, it is) it will appeal to the boys too. Powerful women are sexy fellas! Please don't let Wondy dissapear into Pander-land again!
~Darcy

Blasphemy...IN SPACE!

So if you've ever heard my numerous Zombie Jesus jokes, or my not really true at all recaps of the gospels or, really, have spoken with me for even thirty seconds throughout any given day, you know that I'm going to end up in Dante's Sixth Circle of Hell reserved for heretics and blasphemers. So I'm not sure if I should find this funny or be jealous that I didn't think of it first:

So I guess that the ROY G. BIV magic ring space lantern corps whatever are having a giant civil war battle in space or something. All I know for certain is that it's probably unforgivably retarded. But I am intrigued by the Blue Lanterns up there. So far all we have is space Ganesh and some fish-faced alien who calls himself a saint, so he's either a Space Catholic or Space Mormon. I'm hoping we're going to get other religious figures, like Space Moses! Space Jesus! Space Vishnu! Space Buddha! I'm not ashamed to admit I would probably read about the adventures of Space Buddha. Throw in some space zombies and I'm sold for life.

Of course, given Geoff Jones irrational love for Hal Jordan THE BEST LANTERN IN THE HISTORY OF FOREVER (which, okay, I'm not one to talk seeing my irrational love for my dead gay amputee space TV boyfriend and some other comic characters coughdeadgayTedcough), I now have the sneaking suspicion that Hal Jordan is going to turn out to be the capital G god of the universe, and if that happens I'll be forced to brick DC in the face. You all know that I'd do it too.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possesion of all of his limbs must be in want of BRAINS

Muchos Gracias to our super awesome follower B.P. Osgood for sending me this link. You sir, win @ life.

Jane Austen classic Pride and Prejudice revamped as zombie slayer novel

February 08, 2009 09:16pm

JANE Austen's classic novel Pride and Prejudice is being updated as a zombie horror book and film.
A parody of the English novel is due to be published in April under the name Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, with Hollywood studios already bidding to turn the new book into a blockbuster movie.

The new book has been penned by Los Angeles-based TV comedy writer Seth Grahame-Smith, who has been able to update Austen's original tale because it is out of copyright.

Austen fans are in for a shock, with heroine Elizabeth Bennet and her four sisters becoming zombie slayers and taught how to fight like Japanese ninjas by Mr Darcy.

"It quickly became obvious that Jane (Austen) had laid down the blueprint for a zombie novel," The Sunday Times quoted Grahame-Smith as saying.

"Why else in the original should a regiment arrive on Lizzie Bennet's doorstep when they should have been off fighting Napoleon?

"It was to protect the family from an invasion of brain-eaters, obviously."

Grahame-Smith said about 85 per cent of his novel is Austen's original text.

"I hated her when I was forced to read Austen in school, but when I started re-reading I realised she was a brutal, but very funny, satirist," he said.

"I can only aspire to be as mean-spirited as she could be."

I admit, I'm GOING to buy and read this book. I can't resist the lure, the sweet masochistic desire to read this...I don't even know what this is!! Jane Austen...with zombies. Part of me (the biblio-geek) is OVERJOYED that someone thought of this and published it. I, like Elizabeth Bennett, adore absurdity, especially absurd-lit. Can't get enough of it. P&P&Z sounds like the cream of the absurdity crop.

Pride & Prejudice is, hands down, my favorite book based soley on the fact that it was my first love, what made me into an elitist book nerd to begin with. I personally think, like the author of the zombie version of P&P, that Jane Austen herself would find this idea HILARIOUS because she was herself a satirist of the highest caliber. But will non Austen-ites get the joke? I hope so! I'd like to see more classics with zombies in them!
-Moby Dick with zombies! (Ahab craves the brains of the white whale! Ishmael! Grab your boomstick!)
-Huckleberry Finn with Zombies! (Hordes of zombies cruising down the Mississippi on rafts! Their Necromancer Overlord? N-word Jim out for REVENGE!)
-Alice in Wonderland with Zombies! (I dont think the addition of zombies could POSSIBLY make that book weirder!)
-Jane Eyre with Zombies! (Who's Mr. Rochester got trapped in his tower!? HIS PSYCHO WIFE who is also a ZOMBIE!)
-Wuthering Heights with Zombies! (Heathcliff comes back and OMG HE'S A ZOMBIE!)
-Hamlet with Zombies(Alas, poor Horatio! I knew him wel-OMG HE'S CHEWING ON MY LEG!)
-Treasure Island with Zombies!(Egad! Pirate Zombies! Help! We're trapped in a John Carpenter remake!)

..I think I'll reserve judgement until I read this book. And I WILL read this book.

Also this book.

ATTENTION: Alan Moore Hates Life! Also, the Sky is Blue and the Sun is Hot.

Before we get started I have to give thanks to Darcy for bringing this interview with Alan Moore to my attention. Although, I suspect the only reason she did so was to reap the benefits of more Absolutely, Non-Slanderous, Completely True Facts About Alan Moore. Also, possibly to watch me cry a little at how goddamn creepy the man is.

So TotalFilm.com had an interview with Alan Moore, titled "Exclusive: Why Alan Moore Hates Comic-Book Movies." They could have easily titled this "Exclusive: Why Alan Moore Hates Life" and still be completely correct. I'm also hoping the interview was by phone or possibly e-mail because can you imagine sitting across Alan I Can Hear Your Dreams Moore and not wet yourself out of terror? It's scientifically proven that you cannot. True fact.

One of the best parts of the interview, besides Alan Moore essentially becoming a caricature of himself, is that they stick absolutely terrifying photos of the man in between what he says. Like TotalFilm is saying, "Dude, look at this guy. He is total crazycakes. My god, we couldn't get him to shut up! Also, we think his beard may have eaten our dog."

I'm going to give you some of my favorite Alan Moore comments, possibly out of context, but it doesn't matter since Alan Moore was basically frothing at the mouth while ranting, and try to do what I do best: make borderline slanderous fun of it! Oh, I'll also be including random pictures of the man because, well, if I have to suffer through the nightmare fuel that is Alan Moore then so do you. Let's get started.

So the first reason Alan Moore hates the film industry and thinks comics shouldn't be movies is because, well, comics don't work as films. That seems a little broad, but maybe he'll clear it up for us.

"The main reason why comics can't work as films is largely because everybody who is ultimately in control of the film industry is an accountant. These people may be able to add up and balance the books, but in every other area they are stupid and incompetent and don't have any talent."

Ouch. I know that most of the adaptations of your work have absolutely sucked, Alan Moore, but is insulting these people really the way to get them to not rape your work?

And there's this: "They're going to show it to the backers and then they're going to say, we want this in it, and this in it...and where's the monster?"

Hey, Alan Moore, you do realize that some of your work does have monsters in it, right? I mean, Watchmen had a giant butt-vagina space monster. A majority of your work doesn't have monsters in it, and no matter how bad the movie adaptation was, just be thankful they didn't stick Godzilla in From Hell.

Remember how I said Alan Moore is a warlock? Well, judging by this picture he is about to call fire and brimstone down upon this poor London street. That or he's going to eat the cameraman. You might want to avert your eyes or Alan Moore will steal your soul.

Reason #2 about why he hates movies is "Hollywood is full of idiots." Um, yeah, we know, you just told us, Alan Moore.

"We have one particularly dense Hollywood producer say, 'You don't even have to do the book, just stick your name on this idea and I'll make the film and you'll get a lot of money-it's...The League of Extraordinary Animals! I'll be like Puss in Boots!' And I said, 'No, no, no. Never mention this to me again."

What Alan Moore leaves out is how he then stole the man's soul, ate his dreams, and turned him into his zombie servant. I don't want to admit this where Alan Moore might hear me, but how hilarious would League of Extraordinary Animals be? Oh, sure, it would be absolutely godawful, but can you imagine how much fun Rifftrax would have with it? I sort of want it for just that reason now, but it'll never happen. Why do you have to be so selfish Alan Moore?

3. Comics are better than blockbusters.

I'm an equal opportunity geek, so I love both comics and movies! But let's see what his reasoning for this is.

"There is more integrity in comics."

AHAHAHAHAHAHA. I'm sorry, I just had to get that out of my system.

Look, Alan Moore, at the risk of waking up one night to see you sitting at the foot of the bed, displeased with me, I'm going to have to disagree with you and even go as far as to say you're wrong to a certain extent. Now, no matter what you personally believe, historically speaking, comic books were and still are considered to be low-brow entertainment aimed solely at children. It hasn't been until recently, in the past twenty years or so, that the case has been made that comic books are just as literary as regular novels. Personally, I have argued and will continue to argue graphic novels as literature (and, oddly enough, the examples usually given are Alan Moore's work, usually followed closely by Neil Gaiman's Sandman), but the prevailing thought is that comic books are just silly stories about men in spandex that we tell our children.

Also, I happen to know for a fact that you're acquainted with Rob Liefeld, who, let's face it, will never have integrity ever and that the mere existence of his comics and art make the world a sadder place. For every Alan Moore and Neil Gaiman working in comics, there's eight thousand Rob Liefelds.

But wait, there's more: "The more money that's involved in a project the less imagination there will be in the project, and vice versa. If you've got zero budget, you're John Waters, you're Jean Cocteau, you're going to make a brilliant film."

You've never heard of Ed Wood Jr., have you, Alan Moore? While this is true in some cases and you do end up with a Waters and Cocteau, it is far more likely you'll end up a movie that is fodder for MST3K. Why do you think that show lasted for ten seasons?

Alan Moore modeling his mountain man look. This was taken after he killed and skinned a grizzly bear with his teeth.

4. Films are a waste of money.

Now I am curious where he's going with this.

"100 million dollar that's what they spent on the Watchmen film...that's what they spent on The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen which shouldn't have come out but did anyway."

Well, I can't argue about LoEG. He's got me there. Even if you ignore the source it was adapted from, it was an awful movie. You take in the graphic novel and, well, it took on Constantine levels of soul killing.

"Do we need any more shitty films in this world? We have quite enough already. Whereas the 100 million dollars could sort out the civil unrest in Haiti."

With anyone else I would point out that the author is still profiting from the movie because of the percentage that they get. But since this is Alan Moore, he has his name taken off the movie, doesn't accept any money for it. In fact, he gave his share of the profits for Watchmen to Dave Gibbions. And Alan Moore does have a good point here. It's really hypocritical of us, not too mention shitty, to spend absurd amounts of money on making movies while the world is going to hell. That being said, I fully acknowledge my hypocriticalness and say I still really, really want the Watchmen move.

Despite his pokes about LoEG and shitty movies, this wasn't nearly insulting as I was expecting. Where's the arrogant condescension that I know and mock?

"And the books are always superior, anyway."

There we go. I was worried for a moment.

Alan Moore is sporting some stylish shades and for once not looking like he's about two seconds away from dragging you to his underground lair for use in some sort of dark ritual with the Elder gods that I'm forced to assume that this is all some surreal hallucination brought on by sleep deprivation on my part.

5. Move contracts are ridiculous.

Oh lord, here we go. I have to quote this entire section because it's sort of awesome.


"The League film cost 100 million because Sean Connery wanted 17 million of that-and a bigger explosion that [sic] he had in his last film. It's in his contract that he as to have a bigger explosion with every film he's in."


Is that true or is Alan Moore just saying crazy shit because he can?

"In The Rock he'd blown up an island, and he was demanding in The League that he blow up, was it Venice or something like that? It would have been the moon in his next movie."

Oh, Alan Moore, you are so bitter and I sort of love you for that. And yet I must point out some flaws in your crazy reasoning here. First of all, The Rock came out in 1996 and LoEG in 2003. Between these two movies, according to his IMDB page, Connery did four movies, one of which was Finding Forrester that contained absolutely no explosions whatsoever.


Secondly, you go from blowing up an island to blowing up a city, well, that's a step down, I'd have to say. Thirdly, you are a crazy and bitter old man, Alan Moore, and god love you for it.

Can you imagine walking down the street and looking over and seeing that? The only way for that to get even more surreal is if Alan More put on his stylish shades and did a soft shoe number.

6. The modern American comics industry is ideologically flawed.

And this is where the entire interview gets amazing. So this is supposed to be why comic book movies suck and books rule and yet in this section Alan Moore goes off on everything from American foreign policy (it sucks), American gun policy (it sucks), to an instance in the Iraq War (it sucks, but in this one he is justified). Oh, and there was actually something about comics in there too.

So I may have to break this down paragraph by paragraph to really savor the Alan Moore flavored bitter here.

"Back when I wrote Watchmen I still trusted the viperous bastards, I [sic] had a different feeling about American superhero comics and what they meant."

God knows that I complain about the two big companies, DC and Marvel, a lot, but for someone that works in the business and needs to get their work published that seems harsh and maybe not that bright. On the other hand, he does have his own publishing company now, and he's Alan Moore, so what does he care.

"I've recently come to the point where I think that basically most American superhero comics, and this is probably a sweeping generalization, they're a lot like America's foreign policy. America has an inordinate fondness for the unfair fight."

Yes, Alan Moore, that is a sweeping generalization, and I'm glad you can come out behind your beard to recognize it as such. Also, I feel this is a bit hypocritical since you've written superhero comics, and I don't mean Watchmen. This marks the spot where he drops the pretense of even talking about comics to start criticizing American policy (as a disclaimer, it's not the criticism that I have a problem with, but I am more perplexed that he chooses a forum that's supposed to be about comic books and comic book movies to go off on this topic).

"That's why I believe guns are so popular in America-because you can ambush people, you can shoot them in the back, you can behave in a very cowardly fashion, Friendly fire, or as we call it everywhere else in the world, American fire."

Is that true? I am curious to find out if it is.

"If you're up there in the stratosphere so that everything on the ground looks like ants, it might be insurgents, it might be an Iraqi wedding part, it might be some English soldier.

"There's that beautiful big of dialogue from the cockpit video when they say, 'You've just bombed a load of Brits.' Their pilots say, 'Woah, dude, we're going to jail.' This is the Iraq war, not Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure!"

Valid criticism and points aside, why is he talking about this in an article about comic book movies? Again, time and place, Alan Moore.

"I believe that the whole thing about superheroes is they don't like [sic] it up to them. They would prefer not to get involved in a fight if they don't have superior firepower, or they're invulnerable because they came from the planet Krypton when they were a baby."

And yet there are multiple examples from both DC and Marvel where you have those same spandex heroes going up against stacked odds. The example I can think of off the top of my head is Ted Kord, Blue Beetle II, against Max and the O-MACS, and getting killed (No dead gay Ted!), Kon-El up against Superboy Prime, and getting killed (No, Kon!), and I guess Captain America against the Registration machine in Marvel's Civil War, and getting killed (No Cap!), and the persecution of mutants as seen in X-Men. I'm sure there are many more apt examples (which I would love for you to tell me about). Also, like in other genres, there's this whole underdog motif, where audiences love to see the little guy win one.

Plus, the whole idea behind superheroes are, spandex and powers aside, relatively ordinary people trying to do the right thing, fight the good fight, keep the world safe. It's easier for some, like Superman, and harder for other, like those without powers, but in the end they are all trying to do the right thing.

"I genuinely think it's this squeamishness that's behind the American superhero myth. It's the only country where it's really taken hold. As Brits, we'll go see American superhero films, just like the rest of the world, but we've never really created superheroes of our own."

Says the man who pretty much defined the character Captain Britain. And, yes, fine, the character was developed in response to Captain American, but Britain is in his name and British Cap was supposed to be the quintessential British hero (peripherally related, Captain Britain and MI:13 is one of the best titles out there and you should all go read it. Seriously, go buy it right now).

Alan Moore does raise an interesting point here, one that I might explore further in this blog: other countries creating their own superheroes. Now, Japan, with their long history of manga and anime, can be argued that some of their characters are superheroes: Sailor Moon (shut up, it was my first anime and I still love it), Bleach, Fullmetal Alchemist, Naruto, as a few examples. While they do not fit the "American Superhero" model exactly, you do have characters with powers not found in normal people, and that you have them trying to protect the rest of the world (which is always somehow in Japan) from evil and so on. Please feel free to disagree with me and post your view in the comments. I love a good debate.

That aside, what about other countries? Do you have Russians creating their own superhero mythos? Canada? New Zealand? Mexico? Iraq? If anyone has any information on that please tell me because I am desperately intrigued now.

I'm also bringing up something that Alan Moore didn't specifically say here, but I feel is implied: other countries buying and reading American superhero comics. Now I spent some time in London, and there is a huge comic book store in Lester Square. It sold figurines, movies, and comic books, monthly titles and a ton of trades. Every time I went there it was packed, and they hosted a signing for Neil Gaiman (so awesome!). I also know that American superhero comics are fairly popular in Australia, but this is where my knowledge runs out. Are American superhero comics popular in other countries? Anyone with any knowledge please let me know in the comments.

And now back to Alan Moore: "And as Londoners, when we had that little bit of bother on the 7th July 2005 - after America had two big buildings blown up...Terrible shame, but we had a lot more than two building blown up during the '40s when America was proving most of the munitions to Hitler..."

Again, Alan Moore, not exactly the right venue for this. But here's the thing, July 7th and 9/11 were different than the bombing of London in WWII in that Germany and Britain had officially declared war, whereas 9/11 and July 7th were acts of extremists with no (official) government backing. Also, and I could be incorrect, American did not have much trade with Germany, before or after, Hitler came to power. In fact, at the time of the London bombing, American was selling munitions to the Allies. If I am wrong, please correct me.

"But when it happened in England, what was the reaction of the American forces on the 8th of July, as soon as those bombs went off? They pulled the American service men outside of the M25, because London was too dangerous for the armed and trained American military men.

"Then after a few days, they thought, actually, this does look kind of bad, even for American, let's creep back into London and pretend we've been here all the time."

And that is the end of the interview with those two paragraphs, which have nothing to do with comics or movies. Alan Moore obviously has some strong opinions on American foreign policy, as do most people, myself included, but, again, he uses this article on comics to go into it. He does try to connect American foreign policy with depictions of superheroes (which is an intriguing concept and I sort of wish he went into more detail instead of then going off about guns and the selling of to Hitler), but I read it as a thin veneer to legitimize what he says next.

Whatever else you think about this last section, I think we can both agree that it was a really weird way to end the interview. Also, that Alan Moore is bitter, creepy, and a little crazy.

Like Darcy said, I bet the interviewer was crying at the end, if only because he was faced with this:

This is what Alan Moore looks like right before he sells you out to the Elder Gods. Creeeepy.

Go here to read the interview in its entirety. As always, leave me your thoughts in the comments.