Friday, February 13, 2009

I Making You All My Accomplices In This

So yesterday I posted about my identical reactions to both Rorschach and the koala picture. In the comments, Danicus and Liz took the idea of Koala-shach and ran with it.

I then proceeded to hound Liz until she gave in and drew me this:

Because she is an awesome friend and she loves me and enables me! And no, you can't have her. She's my hetero lifepartner!

And so, dear readers, I propose to you a challenge. Envision your favorite Watchmen moments as if all the characters were horrible man-koala upright hybrids. Tell me about Dr. Koalahatten and how he built a giant flying euclaptyus tree on Mars! Or how Koala Spectre and Nite Koala totally beat up those baby koala punks! Let's not forget Koala Veidt's Australian paradise in Antarctica! Rewrite passages for the koala, or take a hint from Liz and doodle up some new character designs. C'mon, you know you wanna.

And, let's face it, it's only a matter of time before Alan Moore comes after us, wielding the thunderbolts he looted from Zeus' beard mauled corpse, so we might as well give him a reason to slake his thirst on our life essence!


Liz said...

Koala-Dan: How do you like your coffee?
Koala-Laurie: Oh, two eucalytpus leaves.
Koala-Dan:'s one?
Koala-Laurie: Sure, that's fine.

Bartholomew Percival Osgood said...

Koala-shach's Journal February 13th, 2009:

Dingo carcass in the clearing this morning, ATV tread on burst stomach. This outback is afraid of me. I have seen its true face.

The trails are extended ditches and the ditches are full of blood and when it run-off finally scabs over all the echidna will drown.

The flames of the humans will spread through the bush, and flicker about their faces and all the platypi and wallabies will look up at my eucalyptus tree and shout, "Save us!"...

...and I'll look down and whispher, "No."

They all had their chance, all of them. They could have followed in the tracks of good marsupials like my father or Prime Minister John Howard.

Decent marsupials who believed a day's work for a day's leaf.

Instead they followed the spoor of hippies and surfers and didn't realize that the trail led over a cliff until it was too late.

Now the whole of Down Under teeters on the edge, gazing down into the Damnation of the liberals and academics and PETA...

...and all of a sudden no one can think of anything to say.

Darcy said...

I'm sorry I cant post anymore as have died giggling.

Jayne said...

B.P Osgood you have just made my night. Well done, sir. I tip my hat to you. My koala shaped Rorschach hat.

Liz said...

Yep, that blew away my original koala-schach quote.
Ok here I go...AHEM
Koala-Veidt: The Koaldian dead? But why?
Koala-schach: You were always supposed to be world's smartest marsupial, Veidt. You tell me.
Veidt: I never claimed to be anyone special, Koala-schach. I just have some over enthusiastic PETA spokesmen. Listen...could it have been a political killing? Maybe the Kookaburras...
Koala-schach: Koalaberg said same thing. Don't believe it. The Outback has Dr. Koalahattan. Kookaburras have been running scared since '65. They'd never dare antagonize us. I think we've got a koala-killer.
Veidt: Not necessarily. The Koaldian had plently of other political enemies to choose from, even discounting the Kookaburras…the koala was practically a Tasmanian devil.
Koala-schach: He stood up for his eucalyptus patch, Veidt. He never let anybody retire him. Never leafed in on his reputation. Never set up a company selling posters and diet leaves and toy koalas based on himself. Never became a kiwi. If that makes him a Tasmanian devil, you might as well call me a Tasmanian devil, too.
Veidt: Hm.

Danicus said...

Let me get back to you, I gotta play around in photoshop for a while.

Bartholomew Percival Osgood said...

Koala-shach's Journal February 14th, 2009 12:05 A.M.:

Meeting with Koala Veldt left bad taste in mouth. He is prissy and corrupt, betraying even his own superficial left-wing affections.

Possibly a furry? Must remember to investigate further.

Koala Dreibers as bad. A fat fizzle that crouches sniffling in the roots of his tree.

Why are so few of us left lithe, flea-free, and without psychiatric problems?

The first Nite Koala runs a boomerang repair shop.

The first Koala Spectre is paunchy, saggy breeder dying in some park on Kangaroo Island.

Captain Koalopolis was eaten by a dog back in '87.

Mothkoala's in a laboratory over in Queensland.

The Koalaette retired in disgrace due to chlamydia, and was killed six months later by a minor adversary after she went blind.

Koala Bill got shot. Hooded Koala went on walkabout in '87.

The Koaladian is dead.

Only two names remaining on the list.

Both share private quarters at the HQJOC. I shall go to them.

I shall go and tell the Indestructible Koala that someone plans to make him extinct.

Bartholomew Percival Osgood said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Liz said...

Dr. Koalahattan: Good evening, Koala-schach.
Koala-schach: Good evening, Dr. Koalahattan
Laurie: What are YOU doing here, Koala-schach? This is a Humane Society base and I hear you’re wanted by PETA.
Koala-schach: Ehh. Good evening, Ms. Koalater.
Laurie: That’s KOALASPECZYK. “Koalater” was just a name my mother assumed because she didn’t want anybody to know she was a wallaby. You haven’t answered my question.
Koala-schach: Appologies. Came to warn you both and bring bad news. The Koaldian is dead.
Dr. Koalahattan: Yes, since he and I are the only two extranormal marsupials currently employed by Human Society. I was informed on Saturday morning. I understand the marsupial intelligence agency suspects the dingoes were responsible.
Koala-schach: Have my own theories on that. Take it you’re not too concerned about Blake’s death.
Dr. Koalahattan: A live koala and a dead koala contain the same number of particles. Structurally, there is no discernable difference. Life and death are unquantifiable abstracts. Why should I be concerned?
Koala-schach: ennk.
Laurie: Anyway, it couldn’t have happened to a nicer koala. Blake was an alpha male. You know he tried to force breed with my mother back when they were both Marsupy Men?
Koala-schach: Uhm. So you support the allegations made in Hollis Koalason’s book concerning Blake?
Laurie: What Koalason said in “Inside the Pouch” is what happened. God knows I’m not mother’s biggest fan but some things shouldn’t happen to anyone. Why do you think Blake never challenged Koalason for his eucalyptus tree?
Koala-schach: :cronch, cronch:: I’m not here to speculate on the primal tendencies of koalas who died in their outback’s service. I came to warn…
Laurie: PRIMAL TENDENCIES? Forced breeding is a PRIMAL TENDENCY? (actually…it is isn’t it?) You know he broke her pouch? You know he almost CHOKED her? Jon, get this creep OUT of here.
Dr. Koalahattan: You seem to be aggravating Laurie. I think you ought to go.
Koala-schach: With respect, Dr. Koalahattan, I warned Veidt and Koalaberg and I intend to warn you and your mate. I believe someone’s eliminating masked marsupials. Possibly some old foe with a grudge. I believe…
Dr. Koalahattan: I said I think you ought to go.
Koala-schach: Spent a lot of time tree climbing to see you. Not leaving before I’ve……… had my say………hurm.

(I don't know a thing about the temperments of koalas so I'm running blindly with a pair of scissors pointed up)

Danicus said...

Okay, here we go. Koalahattan and Koala Spectre.

Jayne said...

B.P Osgood and Liz, those were magnificent and amazing and brought tears to my eye. Truly, they are works of art.

Danicus, let me start of by saying "Wow," and end with that made me giggle like a fiend. Tiny Koala Spectre is so cute!

I don't know about the rest of you, but this challenge just made my weekend about a thousand times better. A thousand, koala-ified times better.

Liz said...

Awwwww Koalahattan and Koala Specter!!!
...I won't be outdone...Jayne's love is the stake here!!! ...mmm steak...
Happy Valentines Day my love!!!

Darcy said...

I think in honor of Valentines day I'm gonna use my limited resources to bring this thread to the attention of the Alan Moore...

-evil cackling-

Liz said...


Danicus said...

It would be the greatest of honors to die at his hands.
Inform him, indeed.

(though being Alan Moore, he knows already. he ALWAYS knows.....)

Jayne said...

I just picture somewhere in England, probably in a diplated castle, Alan Moore is just sitting there, drinking soul flavored tea, when he suddenly sits upright, sniffing the air. His beard whispers, "Something's wrong."

I would be a lot more worried about waking up in the middle of the night to Alan Moore standing over my bed, but the man is a luddite who lives in a castle cave and has no idea what the hell the internet is.

I'm safe...for now...

Danicus said...

in his haste to get to his arcane library and begin his worldwide search for the anomaly, Alan Moore's beard loses its grip on his teacup and writhes in fury as the cup shatters on the stones.
Moore strokes it, soothing it's anger. "There's a time and a place, my love. First, let us find the source of this... irregularity."

Liz said...


Jayne said...

Oh god, Danicus, Alan Moore would totally stroke his pet beard! If I suddenly stop posting, I think it's safe to say that I was smothered to death by Alan Moore's beard and then devoured by it. I just want all of you to avenge me. AVENGE.

Liz said...


Lady Lara Jones said...

You know I can't even make it half way down this page without bursting out loud in laughter uncontrollably.