Monday, February 02, 2009

Don't Judge Me: A Rant

As an elitist, scary, rabid fan girl there are certain truths I hold to be self evident. Firstly, nobody loves anything that I love as much as I do. There’s no way. Secondly, I am above that corporate jockeying of my interests. As much as I love my vast and sundry fandom, I don’t think I need to broadcast it by bill boarding across my chest or sleeping on Star Wars sheets. That incredibly hypocritical thing being said, I really really want these pants

But I'd like to discuss (read: defend in a defensive way) my guiltiest of my guilty pleasures.

Hot Topic: Hot Topic both fascinates and terrifies me. It's not really a guilty pleasure. I don't feel guilty about shopping there. If it was only the breeding ground for underage faux rock groupies, emo kids and scary trenchcoat loners I wouldn't go there at all. I can‘t really buy clothes without trying them on thanks to these thrice accursed bewbs。 Where else am I gonna go for nerd gear?

Magical Girl Anime: “Whadd’ya mean I have to dress up like a pretty pretty princess to fight crime!?” I’m really not guilty about this one either, but I get the impression I should be。 C'mon ladies! In the time it takes you to get all dolled up the bad guy has gone to sleep or possibly died laughing when he hears you yell that you represent the planet Uranus and maybe justice too and ooh panty shot! I get just as much joy out of tough girls with big guns as the next sweaty nerd. (Though admittedly not for the same reasons) Maybe we cut down on the twirling a bit, take some Ju Jitsu classes, some kickboxing. Buy a skirt that doesn't resemble a band-aid...maybe a bra...the glitter is cool, I like glitter...There we go. Ooop look at that we found your dignity! Feel better? Good. Let's kick some ass!

Emo Music/Kids: I fought long and hard to resist the pull of Emo music but, as is the case with many a diabolical hive mind, resistance was futile. I can‘t really put my finger on what it is that catches me about Emo。 It’s mostly the rock stuff, I can‘t handle the whiney ballads at all。 Most of what I like rides the pop line so I guess that could be argued, but I know they are Emo bands, why deny it? Embrace the shame and move on。
What I have no shame in admitting a fancy for are Emo Kids。 I just。。。I dunno from a creative perspective I guess, love thier look。 I like the hair on the girls,(not so much on the boys cause it doesn't look like they wash it.) the skinny jeans, the punk rock shoes...Love it. Don't get me wrong I'd never ever be caught dead in that get up myself, but I've always admired dedication to a lifestyle y'know?

I DO NOT care for the pity-me-gimmie-attention-24/7-but-still-allow-me-to-rebel-creatively-mom attitude. Some of them just have this air of a kicked puppy about them. Makes me want to run up, hug them and tell them everything's gonna be OK. Then Maybe I'll be the star of some crappy MySpace poetry. That would be totally worth resisting the urge to give them noogies.

: This is my dirtiest, darkest shame. I know I shouldn’t, but I couldn’t help it! I LIKE IT! DAMN YOU STEPHANIE MEYERS! You appeal to the common denominator deep inside my bitter, elitist soul. I can't for the life of me get why these books keep getting compared to Harry Potter because there IS no comparison. Meyers is a cowardly writer, really, next to Rowling. Rowling is more creative, adventurous and insightful in her writing and her characters are more interesting not to mention more intelligent.
BUT there is just something about that Edward Cullen that appeals to the common denominator (read: tiny girl) deep in my heart. Though the tone and voice of Meyer's heroine makes me grind my teeth involuntarily I find myself enchanted, utterly smitten, with the vampire hero Edward Cullen. He is designed, almost as if in a lab, to appeal to the romantic little girl that lives inside everyone. He's self loathing selfless and charming to the Nth degree. His most appealing feature has to be his utter devotion to his family and his woman. I'm sorry this book makes me think with my ovaries. He has to control his instinctual urge to kill and eat the woman he loves in order to be with her. The cynic in me fought hard, but she was overwhelmed and I swooned. Couldn't help it.
With the exception of two other vampire characters I think Edward is the only redeeming quality of these books. ( I hated the second in the series cause he was hardly in it.) The heroine, Bella, couldv'e died in the first book and I would've been happy to read three more books about how nobody missed her cause she was really annoying and they were glad she was dead.
There are alot of things about the series I wouldv'e changed or left out altogether and yes it does get kinda emo in spots but overall I enjoyed revisiting the tiny girl romantic inside of me too much to write it off.


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