Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Oh God There's Another One of Him

Another semester of grad school has started, and do you know what that means, fangirls and fanboys? Besides procrastinating the hell out of my reading to type up posts like these, it means that I am exposed to more things to haunt my nightmares!

Perhaps I should explain. In one class we're reading this book of short stories by Raymond Carver:

I know the image is small so it's hard to figure out what's so nightmare inducing about Raymond Carver, so here's a HINT:

Oh my god stop staring at me with your judging, judging eyes, Raymond Carver! He is one crazy mountain man beard away from being Alan Moore's long lost brother.

Now that I come to think about it, they are sort of alike. They are both considered masters in their respective fields: Alan Moore in penning graphic novels and being a giant black hole of darkness and terror that no light or goodness can escape from; and Raymond Carver rocks the short stories and staring into your very soul and judging what he sees.

Now I don't want to sound like a bitter, spiteful person (even though I totally, totally am), but I'm actually relieved Raymond Carver died back in 1988 because if Alan Moore and Raymond Carver ever met, the world would implode from the intense creepy. It's a true fact that if you get caught between them during a staring contest, your body would expand outwards and then rapidly shrink inwards and collapse under the weight of their conflicting scary. And, this is very important, never ever look them in the eyes for you will meet a gristly end.

But since Raymond Carver has been dead for the past twenty years, we're safe. Unless, of course, he comes back from the dead and Alan I Am Everyone Nightmare You've Ever Had Yes Even The One About The Teeth Moore and Zombie Raymond Carver form an unholy alliance then may God have mercy on our souls.


Darcy said...

"you will meet a gristly end"

Now, I think the word you meant here was

Grisly(adj):1 : inspiring horror or intense fear
2 : inspiring disgust or distaste

But gristly (consisting of or containing)
Gristle(n): cartilage ; broadly : tough cartilaginous, tendinous, or fibrous matter especially in table meats

Is an INFINITELY more hilarious mental image, and I for one choose to believe you intended the gristly word as I know how much you love to make me ROFL.

Jayne said...

Gristly, grisly, it's all the same to Alan Moore. As long as you die wetting yourself in abject terror of him, he's happy. Well, "happy." Alan Moore has no human emotions.

Anonymous said...

Actually, Alan Morre does in fact possess a human emotion. Schadenfreude.
"taking pleasure in another's pain."