Tuesday, February 03, 2009

At What Point Did This Seem Like A Good Idea?

No, seriously, at what point during the presentation about manning giant kites against anti-aircraft artillery did Blackhawk go "We don't need to hear anymore--we're sold!"? I'm thinking it was at some point after "Thank you for coming, gentlemen," and before "So we have a new mission for you. You are going to attack the German lines in giant kites. Now, hold on a minute, I know what you're thinking: that sounds crazy, right? Wrong! Since the kites won't require engines they'll be quieter than fighter jets and you can glide in under radar or something. Now don't think you'll be going in unarmed: we're sticking some missiles that weight hundreds of pounds onto these babies. I'm sure you're wondering how those heavy missiles will still allow the kites to soar through the sky like majestic eagles and the answer lies in SCIENCE. We're also equipping the giant man-sized paper mache kites with a wire loop you can stand on, or not! It's up to you. And there's going to be a windshield so you can see the laser cannons the Germans will be using to rip through your flimsy kites and cause you to go crashing to your death in a fiery ball of pain. So what do you say, fellas? You in?"

Due to their unfortunate case of ADD, Blackhawk tended to fidget and stop paying attention after the first ten seconds. If only they had Ritalin back then they could have avoided this unforgivably retarded cover.

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